


10 Easy Steps

by aerClassic



Series: Step 1,2,3 [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coffee Shop AU-ish, Kang Yeosang is Kind of A Dick, M/M, Texting, but he's trying his best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 08:10:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18567358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aerClassic/pseuds/aerClassic
Summary: Otherwise Titled: Jeong Yunho's foolproof guide to bagging the man of your dreams!





	10 Easy Steps

**Author's Note:**

> i promise someday i will be nice to seonghwa. someday.  
> not today though (':

 

The Java Hut was the university’s answer to an on campus Caffé Bene without the juice bar and a questionable embrace of near copyright infringement. Their claim to fame was the Death By Caffeine: a tall iced coffee with as many shots of espresso as is legally allowed by the Department of Health. It’s understandably the most popular beverage of choice during exam season.

Yunho sees him for the first time while he’s busy sweeping the floors of the coffee shop and manages to smack himself full force in the face with the handle of the broom.

Thankfully, the guy with the model height and model face and model  _everything_ is too busy ordering a truly insane amount of caffeine for him to notice Yunho being a Mess in the corner.

Yunho finally checks back into the real world when he hears San asks for a name to write down on the to go cup.

The guy starts laughing into a finely manicured hand, “Please-please make it out to ‘shorty’ with a heart around it. I’ll pay you extra.”

San snickers along with him, already making exaggerated hand motions like he’s drawing enough hearts to cover the entirety of the coffee sleeve. “Dude, you know he’s going to murder you right? Like, full on stab you in the chest and eat your heart kind of murder.”

“Worth it,” Tall-and-obnoxiously-handsome says, serious, and drops a ₩5,000 note into the tip jar. “He can’t say anything anyway since I’m paying for his inevitable heart failure in a cup.” 

San makes a sympathetic noise before glancing over to where Yunho is still definitely not doing his job. “Yah! Yunho-yah, how long does it take to sweep a corner? The late rush is going to start up soon, we need you on muffin duty.”  
  
Yunho finally snaps out of his stupor when the blond man joins to look in his direction. He hopes to  _god_ the broom didn’t leave any lasting marks on his face. “Sorry, San-ie. I’m done. I was just spacing out.”  
  
Wooyoung, working the espresso machine, giggles behind San’s back who is now grinning like a maniac. Yunho is instantly on high-fucking-alert. “Yeah? What’s got our resident giant so distracted huh?”  
  
“Nothing!” Yunho yelps. ‘Soon-to-be-murdered’—jesus does Yunho need a  _name —_is still looking at him, eyebrows cocked. “I’m, I was just—muffin duty!”

Yunho speed walks to the back to wash his hands and pull trays of baked goods from their warming ovens. By the time he makes it back out with arms full of muffins and buttery croissants, the guy is long gone and San and Wooyoung are both waiting for him with arms crossed and terrifying smiles on their faces.

“What?”

“You  _know_ what,” San smirks at him. “Somebody has a crush.” Wooyoung nods along.

“No, I don’t, I was just...distracted. Spacing out.” Silence reigns in the nearly empty coffee house while Yunho unloads his tray. He coughs. “So, uh, what’s his name?”

San and Wooyoung both start yelling and monkeying themselves on Yunho’s back.

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

San calls him when Yunho is just barely making headway into forcing Jack Baker to finally fucking  _go away_ for the second time. He manages to get himself situated in the game long enough to grab his cellphone and tuck it securely between his shoulder and his ear, “What do you want?”

“Wow,” San drawls out, “Such a nice greeting for your old pal trying to bring you some good news.”

Yunho curses, the screen turning simulated blood spray red, “What good news?”

“Say please.”

“Fuck you.”

“Eh, good enough,” Yunho can almost picture the amused curl of San’s mouth like he’s sitting right here next to him watching Yunho fail spectacularly at wielding a chainsaw in the  _tiniest_ room ever programmed into a horror game, jesus christ. “Rumor has it a certain Park Seonghwa and Kang Yeosang are on the outs. Might be a chance to try your luck, loverboy.”

Yunho fumbles with the controller long enough to give the abomination on screen time to maim the protagonist. “Excuse me?”

San sighs, tinny through the phone connection, “I said, Seonghwa is single again.” There’s a low sound the background that sounds like someone talking—probably Wooyoung. “If ever there was a time for you to put your big boy panties on and ask him out, it would be now.”

Yunho fidgets with the television remote while he waits for the loading screen to finish what it’s doing. “How do you know?”

“Because Wooyoung talked to Mingi who talked to Hongjoong who mentioned it over one of their weird lunch not-dates,” Another noise; this time a loud thump like something fell over. “Wooyoung-ie! Are you okay, baby? What did you even  _do_?”

Yunho winces, cellphone held out a reasonable distance so San doesn’t blow out his eardrums screeching at his ‘roommate’. “Who’s Hongjoong?”

“What?” San says, distracted. “Wooyoung just did a front flip off the couch!”

How did he—? No, Yunho doesn’t want to know. He’s seen just about enough of the weird shit those two get up to when he’s not around to know not to ask any questions. “I said, who’s Hongjoong?”

San’s reply is muffled like he’s holding the phone away from his mouth. “Sto-stop struggling, dumbass, your leg is all tangled in your shirt,” Yunho  _does not_ want to know. “Sorry. Anyway. How do you not know Hongjoong? You’ve both been to the same parties multiple times, I would know because I was there. He’s like Mingi’s best friend.”

Yunho gapes.

“ _I’m_ Mingi’s best friend!”

“Whatever, Mingi’s best friend who also raps and composes music.” He can hear Wooyoung make a pained sounding wheeze while San coos. Yunho grimaces. “And he’s been Seonghwa’s roommate literally since Seonghwa was a freshman.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’. Look, I gotta go. My dumbass Wooyoung is trying to bleed all over our carpet.”

“ _Your_ Wooyoung, huh?”

San whines, “Bye.” And hangs up.

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

When Mingi gets home from his day of classes, Yunho has a spread of all his favorite foods—mostly pizza and those strange ketchup chips—laid out enticingly on their tiny second hand coffee table. He’d even gone out to rent that new movie Mingi had been talking about wanting to see last week, title screen queued up and waiting for someone to hit play. Mingi takes one look at him perched hopefully on the edge of the sofa and goes, “What did you do and where did you hide the body?”

“I didn’t do anything!”

“Then what’s the bribe for?”

“Can’t a guy do something nice for his best friend without having an ulterior motive,” Yunho sniffs dramatically. “Rude.”

“Okay,” Mingi dive bombs into the couch to tackle Yunho into the cushions. “Then what do you want?”

Yunho digs his fingers into Mingi’s side to give him some breathing room. “I want you to introduce me to Hongjoong.”

Mingi stops squirming to give him a squinty eyed frown. “No.”

“I’m not trying to horn in on your action, dude.” Yunho frowns back. “He’s Seonghwa’s roommate.”

“Yeah, I’m aware. The answer is still no, no way.”

Yunho groans, “Why?”

Mingi sits up to thump against the backrest of the couch like a pouty toddler. “Because you just want to meet him so you have an excuse to get close to Seonghwa and that’s shitty. He gets enough of that from everyone else on campus trying to get into Seonghwa’s expensive Versace underwear.”

Yunho considers this while Mingi leans over to grab a slice of pizza and makes a valiant attempt at unhinging his jaw like a snake so he can try to stuff it in his mouth whole.

Park Seonghwa was the closest to a celebrity the University has in its student population—tall, handsome as hell, and incredibly kind. Yunho would see him occasionally around campus after his appearance at The Java Hut and the amount of heads turning to watch him walk was astounding. He’d actually sat next to Yunho in one of his chemistry courses a year ago and ever since Yunho has endured the world’s most pathetic crush because Seonghwa also had the world’s prettiest boyfriend.

Except not anymore apparently. Yunho can’t let this chance pass him by, dammit.

“San says he’s your best friend who raps.” Mingi gives him a distrustful side eye, cheeks still full to bursting with half chewed food, but nods in agreement. “I’m your best friend and this is the first time I’ve heard of him.”

Mingi swallows. “You’ve met him multiple times.”

“Well obviously I don’t remember it,” Yunho pouts and lays his head on Mingi’s shoulder. “I wanna meet him. Introduce me and I promise I won’t try to use him to get into Seonghwa’s expensive undies.”

Mingi blows out a breath, runs his still greasy fingers through his bangs—Gross, Yunho internally gags—and stares at the television screen. “Promise.”

Yunho twists two fingers behind his back out of Mingi’s line of sight. “I promise.”

“Fine,” Mingi grabs another slice. “But in exchange you have to do the dishes for a month.”

“Thanks, man!” Yunho cheers.

“Whatever, just don’t make me regret this.” Mingi slouches into the cushions, finally presses play on their movie.

 

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

 **[s.mingi] 3:24 PM  
** if u rly wanna meet hongjoong hyung he’s  
got a gig 2nite @ that one club downtown 

 **[j.yunho] 3:25 PM  
**time?????? 

 **[s.mingi] 3:31 PM**  
9ish

 **[j.yunho] 3:32 PM  
**k 

 **[s.mingi] 3:38 PM**  
dont dress like a fuckboy and  
embarrass me

 **[j.yunho] 3:40 PM**  
I DONT DRESS LIKE A FUCKBOY  
WTF

 **[s.mingi] 3:42 PM**  
whtvr  
just meet me there  
im going to help hyung setup b4 it starts

 **[j.yunho] 3:43 PM  
**…..need an extra pair of hands? 

 **[s.mingi] 3:45 PM**  
o sure?  
we’re heading over after hyung’s last class  
around 7  
just ask for me at the door som1 will point  
u in the right direction

 **[j.yunho] 3:49 PM**  
👌

 

Yunho had been to this particular club a few times in the past, mostly during his first year when being away from home on his own to do what he wanted was still a novelty. The club scene quickly lost appeal after the first three stumbling lackluster handjobs in the men’s bathroom against a filthy wall next to even filthier urinals. Walking in, it doesn’t seem like management has done any updating in the last two years either—the stage is still dimly lit by only four functioning lights shining on a central point and the booths still look dingy from too much body sweat seeping into the vinyl. 

Any preconceived notions of what this rapper friend of Mingi’s looks like are immediately thrown out the window when Yunho finally sees him. Hongjoong is…

Hongjoong is short.

He also looks crazy soft in an oversized sweater giggling at something Jongho—one of Yunho’s coworkers,  _how_ does everyone know this guy, seriously—is showing him on his phone. To top it off he has a fucking  _mullet_.

This was Mingi’s hardcore rapper friend? He looks like a douche.

“Yo! Yunho!” Mingi yells from one side of the stage, Hongjoong and Jongho looking up from whatever it is on Jongho’s phone. Yunho feels a little self conscious at the scrutinizing look Hongjoong is drilling into the side of his head. “Come say hi!”

“Why are you always so loud,” Yunho complains to the sound of Hongjoong’s laughter.

Mingi makes an offended noise. “Hyung, don’t laugh!”

“Why? He’s right.” Hongjoong smirks, Yunho absently notes how straight his teeth are...a very strange fact to notice about a person, honestly. “You’re loud as hell all the time Clingy-Mingi.”

Yunho cringes. What kind of nickname—

Mingi pouts and makes his way over to Hongjoong to wind his gangly fucking arms around his shoulders and rest his chin on Hongjoong’s head. “Jongho-yah, why is hyung always so mean to me when I’m this cute?”

“Because you aren’t cute, you’re a huge pain in the ass.” Jongho tells him pointblank.

Yunho watches from his vantage point below the stage as Mingi, still clinging to Hongjoong’s shoulders, tries to roundhouse kick at Jongho’s stomach. Jongho just catches his foot and lifts it high in the air until Mingi yells and begs for mercy for his overstretched crotch. Hongjoong rubs tiredly at his eyes like this is a common occurrence he’s learned to accept—it probably is—and proceeds to sack tap both Mingi and Jongho in one fluid motion.

“Sorry about them, they’re usually better behaved than this.” While the two grown up toddlers lean against each other whining about their nuts, Hongjoong hops off the stage to extend an arm in Yunho’s direction. “Kim Hongjoong, and you are…?”

“Oh, uh, Jeong Yunho.” Yunho shakes the proffered hand, absolutely does not notice how soft it is because that would be  _weird_. It is though. Soft. “I’m Mingi’s best friend and roommate, unfortunately.” 

Hongjoong bursts out laughing.

“Well then, it's nice to meet you Yunho-ssi. I’ve got to get ready for my set but feel free to come hang out with us later if you want,” He leans in to stage whisper, “The club gives me a shitton of free meal vouchers for that diner down the street.” Hongjoong winks, trots off to the back with a bag almost as large as he is slung over his shoulder, but not before stopping to blow a kiss at the two men still rolling around on stage, more for show at this point, Yunho thinks they’re having a silent contest on who can pretend to be hurt the longest.

“Alright, alright, you two. I’m sure you’re fine, get up.”

“I’m never having children,” Mingi weeps into the still  _extremely grimy_ stage.

Yunho rolls his eyes. Jongho is the first to give up the pretense to sit up and stop acting like a pitiful manchild. “Yunho-ssi, can you grab the mic stand over by the big speaker? I think that’s the last of the equipment we need hooked up.”

It takes less than five minutes for the stage to be set and ready to go for Hongjoong’s gig, so they mostly stand around making small talk about the coffee shop and schoolwork and the classic ‘are San and Wooyoung ever going to admit to being basically common law married?’. Mingi apparently gets bored because he doesn’t work with San or Wooyoung and isn’t party to their constant will-they-or-won’t-they and grabs the mic to start belting out the opening lyrics to Look At Me, Gwisoon.

By the time Hongjoong makes it out of the backstage dressing room, the three of them are all huddled close together around the microphone singing Baby Don’t Cry swaying side to side with pretend lighters held above their heads. 

“Oh god no, there’s three of them now,” Hongjoong bemoans. “I thought I was finally free from this idiocy.”

Mingi breaks away from their group to snort laughter away from the microphone, Yunho finally gets a good look at Hongjoong’s new attire and—

Hongjoong has decided to go from one extreme—soft and cuddly put me in your pocket uwu aesthetic—to another which includes a lot of black and shiny vinyl. He almost looks like the leather daddies Yunho saw that one time in that one place he doesn’t speak of, ever, and also like someone you would pay to step on your spleen so you could tell them ‘thank you’ and mean it. His ears now have enough metal in them to set of the alarm going through the airport, it is a lot to take in.

Yunho freely admits he is a disaster gay. Like, non-negotiable character trait, he is  _terrible_.

This is just straight up  _unfair_.

If he wasn’t already totally infatuated with Park Seonghwa, literal model and gift from God himself, Yunho would more than likely be trying his hand at the spleen stepping thing.

Apparently he’s been either silent too long or staring too hard because Hongjoong’s facing him in a an equally silent stare down, arms folded and eyebrows cocked like he can see every illicit thought making its way across Yunho’s forehead.

“Oh, hyung, is Seonghwa-hyung coming tonight?” Jongho asks, saving Yunho from further embarrassing himself. Bless him.

“Nah, he’s still moping on our couch.” Hongjoong waves a hand in front of his face in dismissal. “I left him with a bottle of wine, a blanket, and a really disgusting porn queued up on his laptop.”

“Which one?”

“It was something with a really hairy guy blowing a twink in the thumbnail and cumdumpster in the title.” Hongjoong says it with such a straight face Yunho has to lean heavily into Mingi’s side to keep himself upright through his screaming laughter until Jongho joins in and the three of them end up a giggling mass of limbs on the floor.

“Hyung,” Jongho manages to wheeze, “That’s so mean, you know Seonghwa-hyung hates hairy dudes.”

Oh shit, good to know, Yunho makes a mental note to wax Everything.

“Like I fucking care, he got drunk and threw up all over my brand new mic yesterday,” Hongjoong hisses, eyes a squinting glare in the middle distance like he’s envisioning Seonghwa horking up his dinner all over again. “It cost me more than I make in three months.”

Yunho learns a few things that night: one being Hongjoong, while an all around nice guy even when decked out to join a local biker gang, is petty as hell,  _pretty_ as hell, bitches about his friends even as he’s singing their praises, and raps like a seasoned pro—lightning fast to the point Yunho can barely keep up.

He’s also a lightweight.

The four of them have somehow managed to stumble into the nearby 24 hour diner without killing themselves on the pavement outside or falling in front of a moving car; Hongjoong having more near misses than Yunho, Mingi, and Jongho combined.

One of the wait staff, a woman who looks to be in her forties with a single shock of gray hair running through her fringe, catches sight of them wobbling by the front counter and immediately exclaims, “Hongjoong-ah! You rascal, how many times have I told you to take out those ghastly earrings!”

“Only twenty six times, Ahjumma,” Hongjoong smiles at her, sweet, like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. The woman comes over to smack at his head with her small order pad while Hongjoong tries to duck away laughing.

“How many times have I told you not to call me that? It’s ‘noona’ to you!” She hits him once—twice—“Noo-na!”

“Okay, okay, noona, I give, I’m sorry!” Hongjoong grins and tugs Yunho by the arm to bring him closer. “Look, I brought you fresh meat to ogle.”

“Omo, omo,” she says, grips Yunho’s cheeks and turns his head this way and that, “A fine specimen. Where’d you collect this one from? Not that nasty bar down the road I hope.”

Mingi and Jongho both raise their eyes heavenward and try to whistle innocently; Jongho moreso than Mingi since Mingi can’t seem to get his mouth to function.

Yunho is way too drunk for any of this, his vision is making the room seem fuzzy and off kilter. Hongjoong, still clinging to Yunho’s arm and still laughing, replies, “No way. I found him on the side of the road and decided to take him home and nurse him back to health. You should give him some free fries,” He bats his lashes. “For strength.”

The look she settles on the lot of them would probably kill lesser men, or sober men, but eventually she sighs the sigh of the endlessly put upon and ushers them into a booth with, “If you puke in this diner, I will have your guts for garters. We clear?”

Hongjoong nods and, after they’ve settled on drinks and All The Fries, gives her some the most obnoxious finger hearts Yunho has ever seen along with a litany of, “Thank you, noona, love you, you’re the best” until she leaves.

“She’s going to murder you one day, hyung,” Jongho remarks.

“I’m going to help her,” Mingi joins.

“I think she pinched my ass,” Yunho mutters to himself. That sends the table into hysterics, Hongjoong and Mingi both lean their foreheads down against the formica table top in a shitty attempt at silencing their giggling.

Hongjoong eventually stops laughing long enough to rest his chin against his palm. “So, Yunho-ssi, what exactly do you do?”

Yunho pauses in his effort to build a replica of the Taj Mahal with fake sugar packets to blink drunkenly in Hongjoong’s direction. “What do I do?”

“Yeah, like, what’s your major, what are your hobbies, who are you fucking,” Hongjoong smirks. “You know. Basics.”

“Oh!” Yunho says, too loud—one of the few patrons glares at him, “I’m majoring in who the hell knows, I play a lot of video games, and I’m mostly gay so mostly trying to fuck boys.”

Hongjoong blinks. “‘Mostly’?”

“He made out with a girl at a party a year ago and now he’s confused.” Mingi helpfully supplies, Yunho makes a good attempt at trying to kick off his kneecap. “Ow! Shit dude, what the fuck? Don’t kick me for telling the truth.”

“I wish I could make out with someone at a party,” Jongho scowls, flicks wadded up pieces of straw paper into Mingi’s hair. “Everyone always thinks I’m jailbait.”

Hongjoong snorts, reaches up to cradle Jongho’s head to his chest in faux sympathy. “Aw, Jongho-yah, you  _are_  jailbait.” He sniffs dramatically. “I’m going to buy you the biggest dick cake the second you pop your butthole cherry.”

“Wha—why am I taking it up the butt? I like girls!”

Hongjoong makes a considering noise, hiccups, answers, “Pegging.”

Yunho learns another fun fact of the night: Hongjoong is actually  _hilarious_.

“Oh my god,” Mingi slams his head against the table while Hongjoong squeaks laughter into his palms and Jongho mimes gagging, “Bleach! Where’s the bleach? I cannot live with the mental image of Jongho getting pegged.”

“Ahem.”

“Oh, sorry, noona.” Hongjoong simpers. “We were just discussing...politics.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Hongjoong-ah.” She tells him, but she’s smiling so at least she’s not, like, offended, Yunho thinks. Hopes. “Here, eat your free fries before I have to kick you lot out for disturbing our other customers.” She winks at Yunho on her way to refill water glasses.

Horrified goosebumps climb up Yunho’s spine.

“Thank you!” Hongjoong calls at her departure. “Love you!”

Yunho doesn’t know how long they stay huddled together in the diner flinging cold, stale fries at one another while the waitress rolls her eyes but it’s late enough that the busses have stopped running and the streets are void of people. At some point, Hongjoong actually passes out against the stuffed seating so Jongho gets him maneuvered onto his back with Mingi’s help to carry him home.

“Need any help getting there, Jongho?” Mingi yawns, Yunho leans heavily against his side for support.

Jongho waves him off. “It’s fine. Hyung weighs basically nothing to me, I can carry him home faster than trying to get a cab to his apartment.”

They stand and watch until Jongho makes the first corner before turning around and making their own way home.

Yunho is the first to break the silence.

“Hey, Mingi?”

Mingi hums.

“Hongjoong kind of rules.”

“Yeah,” Mingi raises his arms over his head in a long stretch. “Duh.”

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

 

 **[unknown number] 9:21 AM  
** hi is this jeong yunho-ssi???  
mingi gave me ur #

 **[j.yunho] 9:47 AM**  
it is  
whos this?

  
**[unknown number] 9:48AM**  
oh!  
sry this is kim hongjoong  
we hung out the other night after my rap gig

  
  
**[j.yunho] 9:53 AM**   **  
** hongjoong-ssi~ hello~

  
**[k.hongjoong] 9:55 AM**   ****  
lol hello  
this is kind of shitty and last minute but  
i need 2 ask u a favor  
****

**[j.yunho] 9:56 AM**  
what kind of favor

  
**[k.hongjoong] 9:58AM**  
nothing bad !!!!!!!!  
actually r u free around 12????  
i’ll buy you lunch as compensation for hearing me out

 **[j.yunho] 10:04 AM**  
uhoh bribing me already? lol im scared  
but yeah i only have a lab today at 1:15

  
**[k.hongjoong] 10:05 AM**  
dont b scared o m g  
ok meet me outside the commons hall  
ty yunho-ssi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hongjoong greets him outside the dining hall wearing another oversized soft sweater and a sheepish smile, like he’s already sorry for the inconvenience of dragging Yunho out here for free food.

Yunho kind of wants to smack him. Just on principle.

Hongjoong leans close when they find an unoccupied table sometime later, trays piled high with food. “So, Yunho-ssi, I have a...unique problem?”

“Okay?” Yunho plops a spoonful of curried rice in his mouth. “How unique?”

“I have a project coming up for a music production course that requires us to write and sing our own lyrics, but we can’t be the ones singing,” Hongjoong visibly cringes. “I was using Kang Yeosang as my vocal artist since he was over at my apartment constantly but, uh,” he coughs into a fist. “That’s not really...happening. Anymore. And I’m basically forbidden from using him now by virtue of my best friend thinks he’s a dick. So!” Hongjoong claps his hands together in supplication. “I heard you singing those shitty Daesung trot songs—”

“They’re not shitty!” Yunho exclaims, offended. “Daesung is a national treasure, what the fuck.”

“Those  _Daesung trot songs_ ,” Hongjoong corrects, “and your voice is a close enough approximation for what I’m looking for in a vocalist, please help me.”

Yunho eyes him warily. “What all would I have to do?”

“Uh, just record a few songs with me until the end of the semester. There’s only four more left in my series and I’ve already gotten most of the lyrics finished.” Hongjoong pulls the most pathetic puppy eyes he can manage, “I record in my apartment so you don’t have to go to any skeezy studios or anything.”

Yunho chews another spoonful of rice, considering. On the one hand he’s never really been super confident in his singing voice, drunken sessions at noraebangs notwithstanding, but on the other hand…

Recording at Hongjoong’s apartment meant recording in Seonghwa’s apartment and Yunho has yet to forget that his window of opportunity is closing fast on getting close to the literal Love of His Life. Yunho is many things but an idiot is not one of them.

“Okay.”

Hongjoong boggles at him. “Okay? Just like that?”

“Just like that,” Yunho informs him, smug. “Okay. I’m down. When do we start?”

The smile Hongjoong sends his way is blinding and Yunho has a moment where he feels like an asshole for taking advantage. All’s fair in love in war, Yunho thinks and he’s already got a mental list started on how best to sweep Park Seonghwa off his feet and into Yunho’s waiting, willing arms.

  
 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

**_STEP 1 : GET NOTICED_ **

 

Yunho’s first view of their apartment includes Seonghwa asleep, draped across the couch of his and Hongjoong’s like one of the fainting women in those expensive looking paintings Yunho had seen the last time he’d gone to an art gallery, and discarded, wadded up tissues in a semi circle on the floor. Sad orchestral music is playing from a bluetooth speaker on the wall.

Hongjoong is apparently having none of it, just waltzes right up to the couch to smack at Seonghwa’s legs until he snorts himself awake. God, he’s even pretty when he’s unshowered and wiping drool off his face, Yunho dreamily thinks to himself. “Hey asshole, stop moping and go take a bath.”

“Hongjoong-ah,” Seonghwa wipes at his eyes. “Why are you so mean to me even in my darkest time?” He sniffs and reaches up to pull Hongjoong’s head down to his chest and throws a leg over Hongjoong’s hip. Yunho claps a hand over his mouth to muffle the laughter threatening to spill out at Hongjoong’s muffled cursing. Seonghwa pouts, still clutching at Hongjoong’s head. “Come to think of it, why do I even put up with your smartass, anyway?”

“Because I’m the only person you know not actively trying to suck your dick,” Hongjoong responds and manages to get himself free from Seonghwa’s grip. “Please go take a shower, I feel like I can taste you just by standing here breathing.”

“You know who used to want to suck my dick?” Seonghwa says, ignoring Hongjoong’s grossed out noise and staring off into a corner of the room. “Yeosang.”

“Oh my god.”

“He even returned all the couple rings,” Seonghwa blubbers. “We used to match everyday!"

“I know you did, hyung.” Hongjoong gently pats the small patch of skin on Seonghwa’s face not covered in snot or tears or drool. “But you gotta move forward from this, okay? Sitting here on the couch isn’t going to make Yeosang come back.” Seonghwa whimpers pitifully and reaches over to the tissue box for another round of nose blowing. “And we have a guest, stop embarrassing yourself.”

“Ah?” Seonghwa finally looks up in Yunho’s direction. “Oh, hello Hongjoong’s friend. Please excuse me, I’m emotionally devastated and my ex is an asshole.” His chin crumples as another wave of tears makes its way down his perfectly sculpted cheeks. “He even returned the anniversary watch!”

“Oh no, okay,” Hongjoong’s lips thin. “Come on, let’s get you set up in the shower. Maybe you’ll feel better after washing your hair mmh?” Hongjoong crouches in front of the couch to get Seonghwa’s arms around his neck and, somehow, manages to start dragging Seonghwa bodily out of the room and down the hallway, Yunho can hear him softly murmuring, “Yeosang had his reasons, hyung. You can’t do this to yourself over a boy, you promised.”

Yunho hovers awkwardly in the entrance to the apartment, unsure if he should be sitting on the couch or if he should be making a quiet attempt at running away and pretending none of this ever happened.

Hongjoong reappears, just as Yunho’s about 30/70 in favor in running, looking a little mussed and visibly apologetic. “I’m really sorry you had to see that. Hyung has never been very good at breakups.” Hongjoong runs a hand through his fringe. “Anyway, follow me, I’ve got my recording equipment setup in my room.”

Hongjoong’s room is underwhelming, if Yunho’s honest, just a regular room  with a regular bed and regular closet system. The walls are bare except for a single creased magazine tearout poster of Rihanna and some strange looking foam squares in a line around the room like awkward wallpaper border. The only thing that really stands out is the corner where Hongjoong has set up a bunch of complicated looking electronics and several speaker and microphone combos.

Yunho sits in an office chair Hongjoong rolls out for him from down the hall. “Rihanna, huh?”

“If you come into this house to disrespect Queen RiRi, I will have you know there are at least five other people on this floor alone that will help me hide the body.” Hongjoong gently flicks him in the forehead.

Yunho gasps, mimes clenching at his head like he’s been dealt a deadly blow. “You’re so violent, Hongjoong-ssi!”

“Whatever,” Hongjoong snorts pulling up a recording program on his laptop before eyeing Yunho pretending to be dead turning slow circles in the chair next to him. “And call me ‘hyung’, Hongjoong-ssi sounds too formal if we’re going to be working together.”

Yunho agrees and they run through a few popular songs for Yunho to get his voice primed and ready. Hongjoong tells him they’re not going to record an actual full song today because, “I only need to sample your voice to see if it’s actually a good replacement for Yeosang’s,” and Yunho tries not feel like it’s a personal dig at him - like he’s subtly comparing Yunho as a whole to Yeosang and found him lacking.

Seonghwa pops his head in the door around the 30 minute mark, fresh faced and hair finally the non-greasy perfectly coiffed style Yunho is used to seeing, to ask, “Hongjoong-ah, is your friend staying for dinner?”

Seonghwa gives Yunho an expectant look. His eyes are still red rimmed and glossy, but he’s so fucking attractive Yunho is having a hard time remembering what words are, leaves his mouth flopping open somewhat like a fish gasping for breath.  
  
Hongjoong glances back. “My friend has a name,” he nudges Yunho’s arm with an elbow to get him to stop gaping like a fool, “And maybe?”

Yunho finally gets it together enough to say, “Jeong Yunho, and I can stay for dinner, uh, if that’s okay. Thank you, hyung-nim.”

“Of course it’s okay!” Seonghwa says, walking into the room. “The more the merrier. Nice to meet you, Jeong Yunho-ssi.” Seonghwa offers his hand for Yunho to shake while Hongjoong mutters something foul under his breath after clicking on his screen.

“Uh, nice to meet you, too. We, um, we’ve actually met before.” Yunho’s fingers tingle from the brief handshake. “You sat next to me in Chemistry 102.”

Seonghwa blinks, Yunho can see an embarrassed flush rising in his cheeks and manfully resists the inappropriate urge to coo. “Ah? Sorry about that. I’m really lousy at remembering names but if you’re going to be helping Hongjoong then I’m sure you’ll be around enough for me to keep it in my head.”

The smile Seonghwa is very white and blinding. Yunho feels kind of faint.

“Sure, yeah.”

When Seonghwa leaves, Yunho turns back to his waiting microphone to see Hongjoong giving him a narrow eyed look. “What?”

“Nothing.” Hongjoong sighs, suddenly looking more tired than he did ten seconds ago and rubs at his temples. “Here, give me the first 20 seconds of this song and we’ll call it a night.”

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

**_STEP 2: GIVE COMPLIMENTS_ **

 

When he was younger and still living at home, dinner with his family usually consisted of a singular large pot of some bubbling dish placed in the middle of their table and maybe three side dishes to go along with it for color, if nothing else. Yunho takes one look at the spread Seonghwa has whipped together and thinks, ‘Oh wow’, and ‘My mother would absolutely murder me if I brought home a boyfriend who cooks better than her.’

Either Seonghwa is an aspiring master chef or he’s trying to take his aggressions—and heartbreak—out on unsuspecting meats and vegetables. There’s enough food on the tiny dining table to feed a small army or  _at least_ three Choi Jonghos.

Yunho whistles a long note at everything in front of him—kongnamul muchim, hobak bokkeum, gamja jorim, three different radish dishes and something with a lot of broccoli. And steak. God, Yunho hasn’t been able to afford good meat like this in _months_. “Wow, you really went all out. This looks amazing, hyung-nim.”

Seonghwa laughs, still standing in front of the stove and stirring something that looks like tofu broth, “This is nothing, we just had some leftovers I needed to get rid of before everything went bad.” Handsome  _and_ modest. “Where’s Hongjoong?”

“Oh, he was working on something and kicked me out of the room because me sitting in a chair was distracting him.” Yunho rolls his eyes. You agree to help a guy out with his project and what do you get? Unceremoniously dumped in the hallway just because Yunho has the attention span of a golden retriever and asking questions about recording while Hongjoong gives his computer crazy eyes was verboten.

Seonghwa laughs good naturedly and brings the pot over to the table along with clean plates. “Sounds like him, he’s a terrible perfectionist.” Seonghwa waves Yunho over to a chair. “Here, come sit and eat. Knowing Hongjoong it’ll be midnight before he even remembers there’s food waiting for him.”

They sit down together to eat, trading questions about college life and favorite foods and how best to annoy Kim Hongjoong. Yunho decides to lay it on thick, compliments almost every bite that goes into his mouth just to hear Seonghwa’s embarrassed, “no, no, no, it’s nothing really” or “it’s really easy to make, I’m sure your mom doesn’t need my recipe”.

An hour later Hongjoong still hasn’t made an appearance at the kitchen table, Yunho is starting to feel a little concerned. Should he be knocking on his door and forcing him to come eat? Seonghwa put in all this effort to cook and Hongjoong is being a rude asshole just ignoring it. Yunho frowns, glaces back down the hallway at Hongjoong’s door.

“He’s fine,” Seonghwa tells him, reaching over to pat Yunho’s hand. “Once Hongjoong gets in the zone there’s no breaking him out of it until he’s good and ready.” God, Seonghwa’s hand is so warm and delicate. “Want to take home some leftovers?”

Many hours later, after Yunho had arranged the tupperware containers in his and Mingi’s condiment filled fridge and screamed bloody murder into a pillow while kicking his feet excitedly in the air, his phone lights up with several new messages.

 

 

 **[k.hongjoong] 11:53 PM  
** ty for today yunho-ssi  
sry for kicking u out )))):

 **[k.hongjoong] 11:54 PM  
** ur voice is actually perf for this project  
same time next week??  
i’ll treat u to lunch again  
  
**[k.hongjoong] 11:58 PM**  
ur prob asleep om g im sry!!!!!!  
lmk if ur still in tmrw

 

 

 **[j.yunho] 7:45 AM**  
still in  
see you next week hyung

 **[k.hongjoong] 8:05 AM  
** yay ur the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
＼(≧▽≦)／

 

Yunho snorts down at his phone as he dons his work apron. Hongjoong must be crazy out of touch to still be using kaomojis but it’s kind of cute, if a little at odds with the image he presents to the world on stage.

“Yunho! Are you done with the croissants yet? Morning rush is incoming,” San yells from the front counter.

“Coming out now, San-ie,” Yunho pulls the last tray from the warming ovens.

The powers that be don’t really let them have very much freedom over the menu, but every once in a while Yunho manages to sweet talk the overworked—and overstressed—business major in charge of ordering the ingredients that week into letting him mix flour and butter together unsupervised. His first stumbling attempts mostly resulted in biscuit bricks they used as door stops for a week until the mold set in, however now, with practice, The Java Hut’s mid-week Croissant Surprise is campus wide  _hit_.

Yunho is understandably smug.

Halfway through stocking the display, San lets out an inhuman sounding screech that’s so loud Yunho actually slams his head into the edge of the metal, cursing.

“Hongjoong-hyungnim!” San screams, and catapults his body around the the the counter and takes a running leap at Hongjoong, who is already laughing and holding his arms open in invitation, to hug him around the neck. “You never come in during the day, I missed you!"

The image of the two rocking together has Yunho scratching his head. Even more unsettling, instead of looking like the jealous asshole Yunho knows for a fact he is, Wooyoung is actually staring at the two forlornly like he wants to join in but he’s busy frothing milk for some girl’s order.

“I missed you too, San-ie, but you’re heavy please get off my neck.”

Yunho watches San pout feeling like he’s entered the goddamn Twilight Zone. Did everyone in his friend group know and love Kim Hongjoong except himself?

San only releases Hongjoong enough to move to one side, still lightly holding onto Hongjoong’s shoulders. “Here for the usual?”

“Yep.” Hongjoong winds an arm around San’s waist, like it belongs there and Yunho has no idea Hongjoong was this much of a  _harlot_ , “Too bad you can’t make it a double, I feel like I could use it today.”  
  
Wooyoung finally finishes the drinks, shoves it at a girl playing on her phone two steps away from the counter, and latches himself to Hongjoong’s other side. “Hyung, have you gotten thinner?”

Seriously. Twilight Zone. Yunho is living in it.

“Have you become more of a brat?” Hongjoong pinches Wooyoung’s cheek until he fakes crying and slaps at his hand. “Hey, Yunho,” Hongjoong waves at him with a shy grin.

Yunho is still super confused but waves back, “Hey, hyung.”

“As much as I love you two,” Hongjoong gently taps at San and Wooyoung’s backs, “Please go make my insane caffeine order before I keel over in the middle of your workplace, it’s all nighter season.”

It takes several hard pokes into San’s side before he finally deigns to actually do his damn job while Wooyoung continues to monkey himself on Hongjoong’s other shoulder. “Hyung, you should get a muffin or something too while you’re here.”

“Ah, I’m not really hungry maybe next time.”

“What about a croissant?” Wooyoung throws Yunho a significant look that either means ‘Yunho, help convince him’ or ‘San is doing the tongue thing help me hide my boner’, which, really, could be either or in this situation because San’s tongue  _is_ out. “Yunho actually made the batch this morning.” Hongjoong looks conflicted. “I could give you one for free,” Wooyoung wheedles, batting his lashes.

Hongjoong sighs, obviously giving in. “If it’s free, then okay.”

“Yes!” Wooyoung cheers in victory and lands a wet smacking kiss to the side of Hongjoong’s cheek, who at least has the decency to crinkle his nose and pretend to gag. Several people are giving the four of them shitty looks for holding up the line.

The desperately decaffeinated are going to rise up and kill all of them soon, Yunho is fucking sure of it.

Wooyoung makes Yunho grab the biggest, fluffiest croissant from the tray.

“Why?” he asks.

“Because it’s all nighter season,” Wooyoung cryptically replies and makes significant eyebrows in Hongjoong’s direction.

“I don’t know what that even means,” Yunho bitches, but does as he’s asked and hands Hongjoong a pastry lightly wrapped in parchment paper emblazoned with The Java Hut’s logo.  
  
Hongjoong accepts it, takes a bite and immediately perks up. “Yunho-yah, you made this?” Yunho nods. “I don’t usually like sweet stuff but this is really, really good, man.” Hongjoong winks and throws him a thumbs up.

Oh man, is it nice to finally feel appreciated. Unfortunately for him, Yunho gets interrupted before he can say his thanks by San exclaiming, “One Death By Caffeine for our favorite tiny hyung!” And apparently San has a death wish; that’s new. “Hongjoong-hyung, fighting!”

Hongjoong’s glare is more for show than anything else. Yunho can tell from his position behind the counter it’s without heat and overly fond, even though it shouldn’t be because San is a literal demon. “Remind me why I put up with you again?”

“Kim Hongjoong-ssi?” A guy in line behind him pops his head out to wave in Hongjoong’s direction.

“Yes?”

“I’m in your music production class, did you get the professor’s notes from last lecture? They wouldn’t upload last night and I keep hoping someone else managed to save them.” Yunho can practically see the switch in Hongjoong’s brain go from being entertained by his idiot friends to ‘SOMETHING WITHIN MY MAJOR YES HELLO COME SPEAK TO ME FOR HOURS’. He actually hands off his croissant to someone behind him in line and leads the guy away with him to the entrance to speak outside, heads already bowed together over Hongjoong's phone.

It kind of pisses Yunho off, if he’s honest. That croissant was hard to make. And  _free_.

Later, when San and Wooyoung had finally banished him to the kitchens for frowning at every other customer, Yunho reflects,  _that guy_ _was really cute_.

 

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

 ** _STEP 3: SHOW OFF YOUR TALENTS_  
** 

Three weeks into Yunho and Hongjoong’s project arrangement, Hongjoong drags a pouty looking Seonghwa to their standing lunch date and forces him into an empty chair across from Yunho. Yunho hastily brushes a hand down his fringe, he was only expecting to face Hongjoong so hadn’t bothered to put effort into his appearance that morning. “Hi, Seonghwa-hyung.”

“Good afternoon, Yunho-ssi. Please tell Hongjoong I’m a genius and we should absolutely ditch class to go to the new noraebang place they opened three blocks over.”

Hongjoong drops his bag heavily on the table, huffing. “We’re not going to a noraebang so you can get day drunk.”

Seonghwa grabs Yunho’s hands, holds them close to his cheek—fucking,  _what —_“Yunho-ssi, please tell him to go, he’ll do it if it comes from you.”

“No I won’t!”

If Seonghwa’s dewy eyed frown doesn’t kill him, the pissy glare Hongjoong is giving him will. Then again, this is a perfect opportunity to ingratiate himself into Seonghwa’s good graces. He’d be an idiot to let this chance slip by.  “Hyung-nim, I haven’t been to a noraebang in ages. We should go!”

“You both have classes in, like, an hour.”

“A  _whole_ hour.” Yunho presses. Hongjoong’s lips thin and his eyes narrow. “We could almost fit in three songs a piece,” he wheedles. Yunho can see Seonghwa nodding along enthusiastically in his periphery.

Hongjoong is silent for a long time before he sighs, defeated. “Fine.”

The booth they’re directed to is a lot nicer than most noraebangs Yunho has been to in recent memory. The beer still tastes like warm piss but at least the marinated chicken feet are actually, surprisingly good and the pile of popcorn is only three hour stale instead of three days.

Yunho gets to show off his extensive knowledge of girl group dances when Seonghwa, emboldened by chicken and  _at least_ three glasses of terrible beer, starts belting out Girls’ Generation’s ‘  _Gee_ ’.

Seonghwa doubles over laughing when it’s over, uses Yunho’s shoulder for support so he doesn’t faceplant into the floor—Yunho is too busy gasping for breath to really appreciate it.

Damn.

“Hongjoong-ah! Stop pouting in a corner and come sing something.”

“I’m not pouting,” Hongjoong gripes, takes another shot of soju. “I’m just—” he hiccups behind a hand, “I’m just watching.”

“Well quit  _watching_ and come sing.” Seonghwa stomps a foot like a toddler. “We paid for an hour.”

“Correction:  _We_ did not pay for an hour,  _I_ did, and I’m going to sit here and finish this bottle of alcohol.” Hongjoong closes one eye like it’s going to help him focus better. “Yunho, you sing something. Seonghwa-hyung hasn’t heard you yet.”

Seonghwa gasps, “You’re right! Yunho-ssi, show us your stuff. Hongjoong keeps hogging his project files and won’t let me listen.” Seonghwa shoves the microphone into Yunho’s hands.

“Uh, what do you want to hear?”

Hongjoong yanks the number pad towards himself and types something in lightning quick before Yunho can see what song he’s going to be tortured with.

“Oh fuck you,” Yunho groans into the mic as the first opening notes of Psy’s  _‘Gentleman’_ filters through the sound system. He’s debating sitting it out but Seonghwa is hovering on the edge of his seat bright eyed and biting his lip in anticipation so Yunho thinks—fuck it. What’s a little humiliation when you can entertain the future love of your life?

Sometime between Yunho’s sober rendition of Red Velvet’s ‘ _Bad Boy_ ’ and Seonghwa’s less sober delivery of Mamamoo’s  _‘Egotistic’_ , Hongjoong falls asleep in his corner surrounded by popcorn and a half-empty bottle of cola.

Seonghwa ‘aww’s at his roommate and digs around in his bag until he finds a sharpie to start drawing shit on Hongjoong’s face.

“He’s probably going to murder you when he wakes up.” Yunho tells him in all seriousness.

“Nah, he’s all talk and no bite,” Seonghwa pokes a tongue out in inebriated concentration trying to get the cutesy kitty cat whiskers just right. “I’ve done worse shit to him and been fine.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.” Seonghwa gives him a mischievous grin, eyes crinkled in amusement. “Write something yourself, he won’t be able to do anything to you either.”

Yunho doesn’t believe that for a second. He knows for a  _fact_ Hongjoong is a petty piece of shit. If he found out Yunho added anything to his face, he’d probably sneak into Yunho’s apartment and destroy all his video game consoles. “I think I’ll pass this time.”

Seonghwa shrugs and caps his pen. “Suit yourself. I’m gonna go pay and call a cab, do you think you can carry Mr. Sandman here to the curb?”

Seonghwa gives him a friendly pat on the back on the way out of the booth when Yunho agrees. This is the most they’ve actually spoken to one another in the month Yunho has been hanging around Hongjoong and he thinks he’s finally getting better at it. He’s pretty sure he hasn’t stumbled over his words more than twice today.

Just another step closer to making Seonghwa fall in love with him.

Hongjoong is surprisingly lightweight when Yunho manages to get him maneuvered to his back. He can actually wrap a hand around both of Hongjoong’s bony wrists where he’s gripped them together around his shoulders and his thighs are a sturdy cord wrapped on either side of Yunho’s waist.

It makes something in his gut go strangely hot and squirmy.

Probably just indigestion, Yunho supposes. It’s his own fault, those chicken feet seemed ridiculously spicy but he ate three anyway.

 

 

The next time Yunho looks down at his phone there’s a hilariously unattractive picture of Hongjoong asleep—face still covered in sharpie doodles—drooling into a pillow waiting for him.

 **[p.seonghwa] 2:15 PM**  
Sleeping beauty made it home safe 💗  
Today was fun! We should do it again sometime!

 **[j.yunho] 2:25 PM**  
anytime hyung! ❤❤❤❤❤

 

 

 

 **[k.hongjoong] 4:51 PM**  
seongseong showed me the picture  
delete it immediately !!

 **[j.yunho] 4:56 PM**  
lol you wish  
im gonna frame it for the wall of shame

 **[k.hongjoong] 4:56 PM**  
YUNHO

 **[j.yunho] 4:57 PM**  
👀👂  
did you hear something?  
cuz i didn’t

 **[k.hongjoong] 4:57 PM**  
YAH !!

 **[j.yunho] 4:58 PM**  
gotta go to work now byyyyyyyyyeeee~

 **[k.hongjoong] 5:00 PM**  
JEONG YUNHO  
DELETE THAT FUCKING PICTURE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**  
\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

 _ **STEP 4: BE CONFIDENT**_   ~~A Man Laughs In the Face of Fear~~

 

Hongjoong is half a dozen steps in front of them clinging desperately to one side of Jongho while Mingi clings to the other and making noises like he’s less than five minutes away from a terror induced heart attack, meanwhile San and Wooyoung point and laugh at them.

“You know, for someone as scared of haunted houses as he is, I’m really not sure why Hongjoong thought coming here would be a good idea.” Seonghwa whispers close so he could be heard over the manufactured ghostly screams echoing over a hidden sound system. Goosebumps erupt over Yunho’s neck.

“No clue,” Yunho whispers back. “How much you want to bet Mingi is going to piss himself before we get out of here?”

Seonghwa covers his mouth to stop from laughing too loudly. Yunho feels oddly proud of himself for making it happen. They’re walking so close together their elbows actually bump every other step. If Yunho actually had balls—and he does—he’d take some damn initiative and try to hold Seonghwa’s hand. He’s going to do it, he’s going to -

Another blue eyed zombie moans theatrically in front of them and Yunho watches Jongho, apparently having had enough, shove Hongjoong and Mingi away to book it straight into the darkened hallway. Mingi waits approximately zero seconds before screaming his head off and following, leaving Hongjoong gaping after them.

Seonghwa is the first to start laughing which makes Hongjoong scowl, still visibly shaking from nerves, and it sends Yunho into fits despite the disappointment in himself.  
  
“Both of you suck so hard.” Hongjoong mutters. “Giants ganging up on me, what did I do in a past life to deserve this?”

San and Wooyoung have both disappeared so it’s just the three of them now. Ordinarily this isn’t a cause for concern, San and Wooyoung tend to disappear often in group gatherings to go have a discreet fuck in a broom closet or something, but they  _are_ in a haunted house—Yunho would think they’d at least wait until out of the attraction before giving in to their base instincts.

Hongjoong latches himself to Seonghwa’s arm, “One of the shirtless zombies smiled at San and I think Wooyoung dragged him away to fuck somewhere.”

Well. Maybe not.

The group in front of them has paused long enough that they almost run smack into their backs if not for Seonghwa’s quiet, startled gasp halting their progress.

“Hyung.”

“Hongjoong-ah,” Seonghwa grips the hand around his arm, tight. Yunho thinks he can hear the bones actually start to creak and winces in sympathy. “That’s—”

“Yeah. Guess Yeosang found a new group to hang out with.”

“Guess so,” Another shirtless man in a gory apron rounds the corner and Seonghwa immediately grabs him. “My ex is in the group ahead of us. If you don’t escort me to the nearest exit and get me the hell out of here before he sees me, I’m going to do something really loud and really stupid.” Seonghwa tells him sweetly. “It’ll be a whole thing.”

“Yeah sure, dude. No problem.” The bloody guy shrugs, glances in Yunho’s direction. “You guys want to leave too or continue with the tour?”

Hongjoong is pale faced. Yunho kind of wants to see how long it takes for him to break instead of watching Seonghwa obsess over Yeosang for however long it takes for the others to reappear outside. “Nah, might as well finish since we’re here.” He nudges Hongjoong. “Think you can make it scaredy cat?”

“Fuck you,” Hongjoong scowls. “I’m a man. I’m not afraid of shit.”

The actor nods, leads Seonghwa through a door that had been hidden behind a thing plastic tarp covered in fake blood. Hongjoong is the first to start walking again with a brave face, Yeosang’s group having advanced enough they weren’t in danger of butting into them again anytime soon.

Literally two minutes later, when a ghostly ballerina comes dancing up at them menacingly, Hongjoong screams bloody murder and attaches himself like a limpet to Yunho’s arm to hide his face in Yunho’s bicep.

Yunho laughs in his face.

 

 

 **[j.yunho] 7:40 PM  
** hyung-ah~  
my job gave me a bunch of free tickets  
to the haunted house again~~~  
if u make it through w/o screaming i’ll buy u  
dinner~~~~~~~~~~~~

 **[k.hongjoong] 7:47 PM  
** I FUCKING HATE YOU  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **[j.yunho] 7:48 PM**  
lol nice  
guess i dont need to sing for you then  
since you hate me so much

 **[k.hongjoong] 7:53 PM  
** fine  
i tolerate u

 **[k.hongjoong] 8:21 PM**  
u should buy me dinner anyway as compensation  
4 putting up w ur ass

 **[j.yunho] 8:24 PM  
**……..suddenly i can’t read

 **[k.hongjoong] 8:25 PM  
**凸( ` ﾛ ´ )凸

 

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

_**STEP 5: GET HIM ALONE** ~~laugh at hongjoong hyung~~ _

 

Hongjoong peeks at the screen once and goes back to whimpering into a throw pillow he’d pulled off of Yunho’s couch.

Yunho snickers at him, “Why’d you want to watch me play if you’re just going to be a pussy about it?” He nudges Hongjoong with his foot. “Hyung.”

“No,” Hongjoong muffles. “You’re awful This is awful. How can you play this?”

“Because it’s fun and I’m not a coward.” Shit, someone on screen just noticed him and is making a beeline towards his character waving a big ass fuck off knife. “Plus it’s just a game, not like any of this is based in reality.”

“Whatever.” There’s a long scream playing in the distance, Hongjoong whines, “What the fuck even is that?”

Yunho squints at the screen. “A dog? Maybe? Or, like, a hunk of meat shaped like a dog anyway.”

“Why does it have human legs coming out of its back?”

Yunho’s answer is interrupted by Mingi coming home from his afternoon classes.

“Hey dickbag,” Yunho calls out.  
  
“Hey assface,” Mingi responds, followed by, “Oh hey Hongjoong-hyung, why are you hiding your face in a pillow?”

“Your roommate is the devil, that’s why.” Hongjoong buries his head further into the pillow when Yunho manages to defeat the knife wielding psychopath, on screen enemy letting out a long mournful wail ending in a wet gurgle.

Mingi drops down next to Hongjoong to pull him into his lap and makes soothing noises into Hongjoong’s beanie covered head.

Gross. Yunho frowns.

“Then just stop watching him play.”

“No, I’m trying to get better at handling scary stuff. I’m almost 50.”

“Hyung, you’re barely 22,” Yunho kicks at Hongjoong’s thigh.

Hongjoong kicks back, “As a man of almost 70 years—”

“In your 20s!”

Mingi giggles, Yunho can see his fingers clutching hard at Hongjoong’s hips. The spicy ramyun from lunch is apparently coming back to haunt him because the indigestion is back and making his stomach feel hot.

Hongjoong smacks at Mingi’s chest behind him for laughing. “I don’t know why I’m friends with either of you.”

“Because we’re cute,” Mingi replies, holding up a peace sign on either side of his face.

Hongjoong squints back at him. “That works for Yunho over there but what’s your excuse, Clingy-Mingi?”

His hyung laughs, tries to to fend of Mingi’s flailing arms amid his squawks of outrage. Yunho laughs too, because the whole scene is hilarious, but his cheeks feel weirdly hot at the offhand compliment—still the indigestion, he’s really got to lay off the spicy shit for a while; feeling _this_ warm, _this_ long probably isn’t good for his digestive tract. Maybe he should give his mom a call and get her recipe for stomach calming medicine.

Hongjoong still needs him to record some lines before the end of the night so they troop down to his hyung’s apartment block. Seonghwa is home and waves to them before hunching back over to work on something out of a thick textbook on the kitchen table.

“Yunho, uh, wait out here for just a minute. I need to go clean up really quick.”

“I’m not going to care about your dirty laundry on the floor, hyung.” Yunho tells him, because he honestly won't. Yunho's own room is a sad avalanche of week old laundry yet to be folded and a small mountain of empty video game boxes, he has exactly  _zero room_  to judge.

“But I will!” Hongjoong complains and slams his door behind him.

The upside to this turn of events, Yunho now has an excellent excuse to sidle up to the kitchen table, where Seonghwa is snickering into his fist, for some alone time.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing just,” Seonghwa, still staring at his textbook, hides his grin behind a delicate hand. “I’ve never seen him get this worked up over a new boyfriend. It’s cute.”  
  
Holy shit, Yunho never actually escaped the Twilight Zone from last month—somehow he’s managed to drop into a horrible alternate universe where Park Seonghwa, the guy he’s liked for at least a year and a half now, thinks Yunho is dating his goddamned  _roommate_.

 

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

 **** _ **STEP 6: ~~FIND THINGS IN COMMON~~  **_  _ **REAFFIRM YOUR SINGLE STATUS WHAT THE FUCK ? !**_

 

“We’re not together!”

“You’re not?”

“No!”

“Oh.” Seonghwa looks taken aback. “Okay.”

“We’re really not,” Yunho stresses.

Seonghwa’s mouth twitches into an amused curve. “I believe you.”

“You don’t sound like you do, hyung.” Yunho pouts, drapes himself against the edge of the kitchen table.

“Well, whatever you’re doing just keep it up. It’s been too long since I’ve seen Hongjoong this happy.” Seonghwa trails off staring in the direction of Hongjoong’s room - still a cacophony of rustling noises and a panicked sounding yelp. “Part of that is my fault.”

Yunho blinks. That sounds hard to believe. Seonghwa has always been a beacon of goodness, Yunho can’t imagine a scenario where he’d be the cause of someone’s problems. Other than with their dick. “Your fault?”

Seonghwa nods, scoots back away from the table to stretch his legs. “Yeah. I mean, not  _directly_ ,” Oh thank god, Yunho was seriously starting to worry he’d been sucked into an alternate reality where up is down, down is up, and Park Seonghwa was somehow evil. “Just, apparently a lot of the guys he’s tried to date were only hanging around so they could flirt with me."

A cold sweat makes its way down Yunho’s spine. Fuck.

“I hoped that would have stopped when I was dating Ye—” Seonghwa stops, swallows hard. “When I was dating. But it didn’t.” There’s a worrying loud thump from the hallway they both ignore. “After his last boyfriend broke up with him, I found Hongjoong under our kitchen table trying to eat ice cream with a rice paddle.”

“Damn.”

Hongjoong had always seemed so invincible, impervious from harm—physical, emotional, or otherwise—but to know he’d been dealt such a heavy blow from people who were supposed to be with him for  _him_ …

Yunho feels like a monumental piece of shit.

“Yeah,” Seonghwa grins. “So please keep an eye on him. If you see another asshole like that start sniffing around Hongjoong, feel free to kick them in the dick and make them go away.”

“Uh, yeah, will do.”

Seonghwa reaches over to ruffle Yunho’s hair just as Hongjoong comes into the room, breathless and flushed from the frenzy of cleaning. “Alright all clear. I’m ready when you are, Yunho.”

He looks normal. Yunho wonders if Hongjoong knows the only reason Yunho agreed to help him was because of Seonghwa.

Instead of confessing his sins and falling on his knees for forgiveness, Yunho opts to tell him, “You have a pair of underwear stuck to your pants.”

Hongjoong’s mortified screaming is drowned out by the sound of Yunho and Seonghwa leaning against each other laughing at him.

 

 **[p.seonghwa] 11:29 PM**  
This should go without saying but uh  
Don’t tell anyone what i told you today

 **[j.yunho] 11:32 PM**  
my lips are sealed  
🤐

 **[p.seonghwa] 11:33 PM**  
Good man.

 

 

Yunho grimaces at his phone screen. Good man, Seonghwa called him.

 

He’s really fucking not.

 

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

**_STEP 7: BE CARING_** _………Make Sure His Roommate Doesn’t Die_

 

 **[j.yunho] 12:15 PM  
** where are you??  
are we not getting lunch together  
today or

 **[j.yunho] 12:24 PM**  
hyung? 

 **[j.yunho] 12:37 PM**  
quit ignoring me butthole

 **[k.hongjoong] 12:39 PM  
** dnt call me a butthole  
ur a butthole 

 **[j.yunho] 12:41 PM  
**mature 

 **[k.hongjoong] 12:43 PM  
**mmng 

 **[j.yunho] 12:43 PM  
** seriously tho where are you?  
mingi says he hasn’t seen you  
today either 

 **[k.hongjoong] 12: 50 PM  
** @ home  
am dying  
tell mingi he can have all the studio  
equipment jongho doesn’t steal first 

 **[j.yunho] 12:51 PM  
** ….have you eaten anything today  
or taken medicine 

 **[k.hongjoong] 12:55 PM  
**no 

 **[j.yunho] 12:55 PM  
**to which ? 

 **[k.hongjoong] 12:58 PM  
**had coffee

 **[j.yungho] 12:58 PM  
**is that it? 

 **[k.hongjoong] 1:00 PM**  
i also looked at an egg???

 **[j.yunho] 1:01 PM  
**did you EAT the egg 

 **[k.hongjoong] 1:02PM  
** i did not no  
felt better w coffee  
egg seemed like effort  
tired )))))))))): 

 **[j.yunho] 1:03 PM  
** oh my god  
you are the world’s worst adult 

 **[k.hongjoong] 1:07 PM  
**M E A N 

 **[j.yunho] 1:08 PM**  
im coming over w soup  
and MEDICINE

 **[k.hongjoong] 1:25 PM  
** u hv class  
go 2 cla s

 

The last message comes just as Yunho is making his way up the last of the stairs to Hongjoong’s apartment with his arms weighed down with three packs of instant soup mix and a small pharmacy of cold and flu drugs, so he ignores his phone in favor of pressing the door chime over and over again just to be obnoxious. Hongjoong finally greets him after the third chime, a lead weight suddenly sits heavy in Yunho’s gut at the sight of him. He’s a sickly pale—the kind of bloodless white Yunho has only seen on old paintings of gods of death or like the mall goths downtown, his face half covered in a thin black mask and tiny frame engulfed in a too large sweater.

“Yunho,” Hongjoong coughs into his elbow. “I told you to go to class.”

Yunho bullies his way into the open doorway, not that pushing Hongjoong far enough into the room to let him in was difficult, and says, “It’s okay, my lab was canceled today because the TA came down with the flu going around.” He eyes Hongjoong where he’s slumped against the wall of the entryway while Yunho kicks off his shoes. “Hyung, go sit down before you pass out.”

Because Yunho is a good friend, he benevolently ignores Hongjoong’s grumbles of, “why are all my dongsaeng’s so fucking disrespectful,” and, “should have just ignored my phone”. Any ill will is pretty much nullified anyway by the pathetic wheezing cough Hongjoong struggles through while clutching at his chest.

The instant soup packs aren’t, like, the most nutritious thing Yunho could have grabbed but he’s a broke college kid so he makes do, chops up some actual vegetables sitting in Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s fridge to throw in while the water heats up. He’s only known Hongjoong, really, for the last three months they’ve been working together on Hongjoong’s project and Yunho’s own secret list. It feels a little weird to be here in his crush’s apartment taking care of their roommate instead of trying to snoop through the linen closet for clues or someshit. It’s nice though. Domestic.

He fills a glass with water and breaks off a dose of heavy duty cough suppressant from its blister pack to bring over to Hongjoong collapsed in the middle of his enormous blanket fort on the couch. “Here, hyung, take this for me.”

Hongjoong opens his eyes long enough to do as Yunho says, which is fucking  _weird_. Everything with Hongjoong up to this point has been a battle every time. Yunho does his best to ignore the strange jittery sensation trying to make camp in his stomach.

“Think you can stay awake long enough to drink some soup?”

Hongjoong hums and nods his head. Yunho absolutely doesn’t believe him but fills the biggest coffee mug he can find in the cupboard with the warmed broth and sits next to Hongjoong to hand it off.

Hongjoong’s eyes are spaced out when he tries to take a sip without first moving his face mask out of the way. Yunho rolls his eyes and snatches the mug away, yanks the mask down to Hongjoong chin despite his hyung’s whining, and holds the mug up to Hongjoong’s mouth himself. “Drink.”

“I’m not a toddler,” Hongjoong gripes but leans forward to the mug close enough to take a sip by tipping Yunho’s hand. The squirmy, tingling feeling is back with a vengeance.

“If you’re not a toddler, then you can hold this,” Yunho passes off the mug, suddenly feeling like he needs to not be so close. Hongjoong is  _sick_ after all.

Hongjoong lets out a shocked noise, “Where did the carrots come from?”

“Your fridge.”

“Oh. We had vegetables in there?” He sounds genuinely surprised. 

“How are you alive?” Yunho boggles at him. “Scratch that, how you don’t have scurvy at this point is anybody’s guess.”

Hongjoong pouts. It’s kind of adorable.

Yunho has no idea what to do with that information.

“Seonghwa does the shopping. I don’t know what all he buys, I just hand him money and a list.” Hongjoong goes through another coughing fit, Yunho rubs at his back. “He never buys me the right kind of lube either! It’s always some weird foreign thing he likes the packaging of that day or whatever.” Hongjoong bitches and kicks a sock clad foot, presumably, in the direction of Seonghwa’s bedroom. Yunho coughs to cover up the sound of himself choking on laughter, manages to inhale the wrong way and sends spit down his windpipe.

Hongjoong glares at him, hisses out, “He brought me  _peach flavor_ one time.”

Yunho thumps his own chest to help clear his airway. “Is that...bad?”

“I  _hate_ peaches.” Hongjoong whines, nearly tipping over his half empty mug of soup in the process.

Jesus christ, what even is this conversation.

Yunho grabs the soup out of Hongjoong’s hands to save them both from a lapful of scalding liquid and places it a safe distance away on the nearby coffee table. “Uh, maybe that’s a sign to buy your own lube?”

“Maybe,” Hongjoong hums, starts pawing at the giant pile of blankets around him to make a man-shaped cocoon. “Doesn’t matter much right now anyway, not like I’m getting laid any time soon.”

Yunho isn’t going to touch that one with a ten foot pole, instead asks, “Why do you have so many blankets?”

Hongjoong gives him a weird sideways look, pupils almost black and—oh wow, this is going to be fun—very obviously feeling the effects of the drowsy medication, says very matter-of-fact, “I’m  _gay_ , Patricia.”

“My name’s not Patricia,” Yunho snickers. “I’m gay too and I have, like, two throw blankets. Max.”

“Whatever,” Hongjoong shrugs. “I’m tiny and need all the warmth I can get, so I collect blankets.” He struggles with two that have become inexplicably tangled with one another until Yunho takes pity on him and yanks them out of his grip to place them around Hongjoong’s chest. Hongjoong lists to the side until his chin rests on Yunho’s shoulder. “Wanna know a secret? I used to collect boyfriends since none of them stuck very long with Seonghwa around but that got boring. And sad.”

Yunho tenses. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Hongjoong sighs, snuggles in further to his side. “Who wants the tiny twink when Park Seonghwa the model is right next door? Nobody I know, that’s for sure.”

“You’re not a twink.”

“I’m _basically_ a twink,” Hongjoong yawns. “Twink adjacent?”

“You’re a pain in the ass is what you are.” Guilt gnaws at Yunho’s throat. “I’m sure plenty of guys would be thrilled to go out with you, hyung.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Hongjoong yawns again. “Seonghwa is prettier. I get left in the dirt every time.” Hongjoong pushes at Yunho’s legs until he moves far enough over for Hongjoong to lie down with his head resting in Yunho’s lap. “This is too depressing, tell me about your day or something.”

“San and Wooyoung tried to dare Jongho into drinking a double death by caffeine.”

“Oh god, please tell me he didn’t.”

Yunho cackles quietly. “He poured it over San’s head. I think he was aiming for Wooyoung but San jumped in as a sacrifice at the last second. The manager made all of them promise to stay an extra hour after clocking out tonight to clean.” Hongjoong’s laugh turns into an ugly clawing cough that even rattles the couch so Yunho rubs at his chest to help ease the spasms. “Hyung, are you feeling  _any_ better?”

Hongjoong moves his face mask back into place with shaky fingers. “Yeah, ‘m just…’m just tired.” He squints blearily up at Yunho. “Keep talking.”

Yunho continues to rattle off anecdotes from the limited amount of time he’s been around people that morning until the sound of Hongjoong’s rasping snores fill the room. His color is starting to get back to normal and something in Yunho’s chest seems to finally unclench at the sight. He doesn’t really have anywhere to be anytime soon, not with labs canceled and half the student body doing the influenza zombie walk, so Yunho decides to try and play piano tiles on mute for a while.

Sometime after failure number five thousand—or what feels like it anyway—the door chimes announcing Seonghwa’s entrance. “Oh!” He exclaims. “Yunho, I didn’t know you were here.”

Yunho barely manages to catch his phone from slamming into Hongjoong’s nose. “Came to check on him.” Yunho whispers pointing at Hongjoong still slumbering in his lap and holds a finger up to his lips to signal Seonghwa not to talk too loud.

Seonghwa makes a silent ‘ah’ of understanding, nods.

“How’s our patient doing?” Seonghwa whispers conspiratorially at him. Yunho frowns, holds up two thumbs pointed downwards.

Seonghwa’s lips thin and makes his way across the living room to place a palm over Hongjoong’s forehead. “Thought so. He’s terrible at taking care of himself.” Yunho’s heart thumps hard at the smile Seonghwa shoots him. “Thanks for being here.”

“N-no problem,” Yunho stutters. He hopes his face isn’t as horrifically red as it feels.

“Still though, thank you.” Seonghwa runs his fingers through Hongjoong’s fringe, ignores the snuffling noise his roommate releases. “Have you eaten? I came home to drop off books and then head to the food hall for lunch if you’d like to come with.”

Seonghwa’s eyes are kind when they make contact with Yunho’s own and his tongue feels stupid and thick in his suddenly too dry mouth. He’s psyching himself up ready to agree when Hongjoong suffers another chest rattling cough, without waking up, and turns to groan into Yunho’s stomach.

Part of him wants to take this chance to spend time with Seonghwa alone but another, somehow larger, part absolutely refuses to disturb Hongjoong’s rest even if it means sitting here doing nothing but dicking around on his phone for hours.

Yunho feels...strange.  
  
Must be the indigestion again, it runs in the family.

“I think I’m going to stay here for a while. Thank you though, hyung-nim.”

Seonghwa gives him a heart stopping dazzling smile. “Maybe next time.”

Right.  
  
_Next time_.

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

 ******_STEP 8: BE SUPPORTIVE_  **

 

 **[k.hongjoong] 8:29 PM**  
we’re having a pity party 2nite @ 10  
bring booze

 **[j.yunho] 8:32 PM**  
pity party?

 **[k.hongjoong] 8:36 PM**  
his royal majesty kang yeosang decided to  
finally talk to seong-seong  
nd we’re going to drink bc yeosang is STUPID

 **[j.yunho] 8:43 PM**  
uh  
do i want to know….

 **[k.hongjoong] 8:45 PM**  
prob not (((((((((((((((((:  
just come 2 ours latr  
san and mingi r already coming

 

 **[j.yunho] 9:01 PM**  
how much booze should i bring

 **[k.hongjoong] 9:01 PM  
**yes

 **[j.yunho] 9:02 PM  
**lmao hyung

  
**[k.hongjoong] 9:05 PM**  
ヾ(=`ω´=)ノ”  
c u @ 10

Seonghwa has apparently decided to get riotously drunk by the time Yunho makes it to the apartment with two paper bags full to the brim with grapefruit soju.

“Yunho! Just in time!” Seonghwa wraps his arms around Yunho’s shoulders. “We were just about to make a Kang Yeosang voodoo doll.”

As much as he likes— _really_ likes—Seonghwa, the waft of tequila and bad decisions coming out of his mouth is incredibly unpleasant, especially so close to Yunho’s nose. “Um, why are we making a voodoo doll?”

“Because he’s an idiot. And a dick. And an  _idiot_.”

“You’ve said idiot twice.”

“Yeah, well, he’s a double idiot,” Seonghwa hiccups, still basically propping himself up using Yunho’s shoulders, steers him in the direction of the kitchen to drop off the bags of booze. “I’m gonna stab a needle in his dick.”

“Who’s got a needle dick?” San asks, walking in to the kitchen holding a bowl of chips. He smirks. “Is it you, Yunho-ssi?”

“Fuck you, San, seriously,” Yunho whines while Seonghwa bursts into laughter against his neck. “Where’s Hongjoong-hyung?”

San shoves another handful of chips into his mouth. “In the living room, I think Mingi was trying to make out with him so I bounced.”

Yunho blinks. What?

“What?” Seonghwa screeches and starts shoving at Yunho’s back. “Yunho-ssi! You have to stop them!”

“Why?” San asks and sucks chip dust from his fingers. “Pretty sure ‘Joong-hyung hasn’t gotten any action in months.”

Seonghwa hooks a hand in San and Yunho’s collars to drag them bodily into the the other room—Yunho only barely managing to get his hands around the neck of a bottle on the way out. Apparently alcohol gives Seonghwa super strength, what the hell. “Just—just because! This is supposed to be a pity party not a make out party.”

Hongjoong and Mingi are not, in fact, making out at the pity party. Hongjoong and Mingi are actually just curled together on the couch watching what sounds like a bunch of cats meowing on Hongjoong’s phone and giggling. For some reason Yunho feels relieved, probably because he doesn’t have to be subjected to the sight of his best friend trying to get his groove on.

Seonghwa crosses the room in drunken, stumbling steps and throws his arms around around Hongjoong’s neck essentially choking him.

“Hongjoong-ah! You can’t make out with Mingi!”

“I’m not going to make out with Mingi, hyung, what the fuck,” He taps desperately at Seonghwa’s arms, “Quit choking me you drunk asshole!”

Mingi makes an outraged noise—“Why wouldn’t you make out with me?”—while San leans heavily into Yunho’s arm, snickering into his bowl. Seonghwa blinks out of sync. “You’re not trying to ruin my pity party?”

“No!”

“Okay,” Seonghwa oozes down to drape himself across Hongjoong and Mingi’s legs. “Get Yunho-ssi up to speed on my idiot ex boyfriend then.”

“Fine.” Hongjoong rolls his eyes even as he runs a hand through Seonghwa’s hair settled in his lap. “Yeosang—”

“The asshole!” Seonghwa supplies.

“Yes, Yeosang the Asshole,” Yunho can  _hear_ the capital letters, “finally texted Seonghwa to tell him they broke up because Yeosang thought Seonghwa was wasting his college years dating him instead of sowing his wild oats or whatever the fuck.” Seonghwa sniffles into Hongjoong’s leg. It’s pathetic enough that San decides to be benevolent and feed him one of his chips. “Also apparently lowkey thought Seonghwa was just cheating on him at parties.”

“That’s so stupid,” Yunho downs the last dregs of his soju. “Seonghwa-hyung wouldn’t do that to a person, he’s not a cheater.”

Seonghwa starts tearing up and makes grabby hands in Yunho’s direction. When he’s finally in reach, Seonghwa pulls Yunho down until he can get his clammy hands on either side of Yunho’s face, “Thank you, Yunho-yah, you’re a good boy.” Pats his cheeks in much the same way as the ahjumma from the diner that one night.

Yunho is pretty sure his full body blush can be seen from outer space like a fucking beacon by this point. San mocks him by swooning dramatically. Hongjoong saves him by pulling Seonghwa’s arms away. “Stop molesting my favorite dongsaeng, you lush.”

“What’s your pity party story, San-ie?” Mingi pokes him with a toe. “Wooyoung not putting out?”

“Wooyoung puts out plenty, thank you,” San responds, tart. “What about you, Mingi? Got any juicy deets of your escapades you’d like to share with the class?”

“Oh god, please don’t, I have to live with him,” Yunho claps his hands against his ears—forgets for a moment he’s still holding a bottle in one and narrowly misses beaning himself in the ear with the edge of it.

“You’ve seen my dick,” Mingi yells, extricates himself from the cuddle puddle on the couch to jump onto Yunho’s back. “We’ve had sex multiple times!”

“Yeah, in the  _past_!” Yunho tries to twist out of Mingi's octopus grip. “Before we lived together and I watched you put ketchup on noodles like a psychopath.” Seonghwa and Hongjoong are clinging to each others shoulders to keep from falling off the couch from their hysterical laughter. “Now I have much better taste, thank you very much.”

San, watching all of this take place calmly eating his chips, pops up with, “I feel like I need popcorn for this.”

The rest of the night continues in much the same fashion, though as Seonghwa gets progressively more drunk he starts to regale the group with his and Yeosang’s various couple trips in horrible,  _horrible_ detail.

“Look this is from when we went to Jeju together,” Seonghwa cries, half empty bottle of tequila tenderly cradled to his chest like a precious child, pointing at a picture on the wall. “How can he think I’d cheat on him? I let him fuck me in a hammock—” Yunho barely stops himself from spewing his drink clear across the room. “A  _hammock_!”

“I know, hyung, you told me twelve times when you came home from that one.” Hongjoong looks haunted by the experience. “Please move on.”

“I think Mingi is dead,” San tells them while trying to balance his finally empty bowl of chips on Mingi’s nose. Yunho’s roommate has decided the best place in the apartment to nap is the floor with two empty bottles of soju held to his neck.

Hongjoong yawns and joins Mingi on the floor, rests his head on Mingi’s stomach. “He’s not dead, he’s just passed out.” He pats the muscles of Mingi’s chest. “See? Breathing.”

“Damn, I thought I’d finally gotten rid of him.” Yunho mutters under his breath.

“Oooo,  _bitchy_ ,” San says. Yunho watches as the living room floor turns into an impromptu napping spot—San actually dragging a couch pillow and several blankets down to the floor and flops himself down on Mingi’s other side.

Seonghwa is still staring off in the distance like he’s remembering the hammock.

“Whatever, I’m going to take a piss.” San and Hongjoong both shout “Bladder, fighting!” at his back because Yunho’s life is apparently lousy with assholes.

Seonghwa corners him on the way out of the bathroom.

Well, what he actually does is grab Yunho by the arms to shove him down the hallway until Yunho’s back hits the wall and presses the long line of his body against Yunho’s front. “Say, Yunho, you said you’re not dating Hongjoong right?”

Yunho gulps. “Uh, that’s right, yeah.”

Seonghwa hums, eyes dark, and starts walking two fingers up the side of Yunho’s neck. “And you’re not dating anyone else either?”

“N-no.” Where the fuck was this going? Had Yunho finally gotten through to him and Seonghwa was actually, finally interested?

“Okay. Good. Would you be interested in fucking me then?” Seonghwa smirks up at him when Yunho chokes. “You get laid, I get laid, and it would really piss off Yeosang. Winners all around, what do you think?”

Oh.

The hot flush that had been steadily making its way up Yunho’s spine—and into his dick, if he’s honest—is immediately doused by the cold fact that Seonghwa doesn’t  _really_ want Yunho. Not in the way Yunho wants him to. Good people, and Yunho would like to think he’s in that group, wouldn’t take advantage of a friend like this. He grabs the fingers dancing across his adam's apple, “Hyung, stop," Seonghwa stares up at him glassy eyed, mouth open and pink and wet, "you don’t want to do this.”

“What? Yes, I do!” Seonghwa hisses outraged.

“No, you really don’t. You just think you do because Yeosang called and you’re upset at him and want to get payback.” Seonghwa gapes his mouth open and closed like a fish, the tequila making its wonderful presence known once again, Yunho cringes. “Also you’re drunk.”

“I can be drunk and know what I want at the same time.”

Yunho shakes his head and turns Seonghwa towards the door to his own bedroom. “How about this: You go sleep it off in your own room and, if you really want to have sex with me tomorrow, we’ll talk about it like grownups.” The knob turns easily in his grip. “Sober.”

Seonghwa is silent for a long moment when Yunho guides him down to to sit on the edge of the mattress. “This is stupid, most guys would jump at the chance to sleep with me.”  
  
“Most guys are awful,” Yunho retorts. “I’m not most guys.”

“True.” Seonghwa sighs. “Fine, I’ll sleep.”

Yunho averts his eyes while Seonghwa gets himself undressed enough to sleep comfortably and then tucks him in with a trashcan propped against the bed, just in case.

By the time Yunho makes it back to the living room, the Three Stooges are all asleep; San clinging to Mingi’s right while Hongjoong is still propped against Mingi’s stomach on the left. It’s already after two in the morning so Yunho shrugs—when in Rome—and grabs a few more throw blankets and a pillow for himself.

There’s no room left on Mingi so he drops down to snuggle into Hongjoong’s side.

“Yunho?”

“Shh, go back to sleep, hyung.” Yunho spreads the blankets so they cover the two of them. “It’s late.”

“Mmm,” Hongjoong agrees and turns to wrap an arm around Yunho’s waist. “‘S cold.”

“You’ll be warm in a minute, I brought blankets.” Yunho yawns and reaches over to securely tuck the edges in at Hongjoong’s back, hooks a foot around Hongjoong’s ankle so he can’t move around and ruin it.

He must have been more exhausted than he originally thought, because the next thing Yunho knows he’s blinking awake to Hongjoong’s still sleeping face—San and Mingi already gone—and a post-it note stuck to his forehead.

_‘You were right._

_Thank you_ _  
__— S. ‘_

Yunho wants to laugh at himself. Of course,  _of course_. 

He groans into a palm, muffled enough so as not to wake Hongjoong asleep on his other arm, scrubs his hand down his face. Hongjoong makes a low noise and snuggles further into his chest. His color is almost totally back to normal from the 24-hour flu, Yunho is stupidly glad for it. 

"I can feel you staring at me." Hongjoong croaks at him, eyes still closed feigning sleep. 

Yunho resists the urge to roll his own. "Dunno where else to look when you're hogging my arm, doofus."

"Stop calling me names," Hongjoong whines and throws a leg over Yunho's thighs. "You're always so mean to me, what the fuck."

Yunho pokes him in the side and coos, "Why would I be mean to you, hyung? You're my weekly meal ticket." 

"Dickhead."

"Yeah, yeah, love you too." Yunho grins. "Seriously, though, let me up I need to pee."

Hongjoong opens one eye at him, "I will if you promise to make me coffee."

"I will piss all over your floor. And you. And your precious throw blankets."

"Coffee." Hongjoong groans like a zombie. 

"You're an addict." Yunho tells him, already knowing he's going to put a pot on anyway, and tickles his fingers into Hongjoong's side until he rolls away. "Be right back."

Hongjoong waves a hand at him and rolls himself into a blanket cocoon. It's— _he's_  kind of adorable. Why is Yunho just now noticing?

 

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

 

 

 **[p.seonghwa] 3:45 PM**  
So, pity party out of the way  
Hongjoong wants to throw an actual party  
next weekend. You in?

 **[j.yunho] 3:48 PM**  
I’m always in

 **[p.seonghwa] 3:51 PM  
** Haha okay  
I’m sure he’ll text you details later  
Sorry again about the other night

  
**[j.yunho] 3:54 PM**  
lol dont worry about it hyungnim  
ur not the first to try the sad n lonely act w me

 **[p.seonghwa] 3:56 PM**  
Still though…

 **[j.yunho] 3:58 PM  
** it’s fine! everything is fine! dont worry about it!!!  
hongjoong would have murdered me anyway  
im too pretty to die this young

 **[p.seonghwa] 4:03 PM**  
...are you SURE you’re not dating??????

 **[j.yunho] 4:05 PM**  
im blocking you.

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

**_STEP 9: ~~ASK HIM ON A DATE~~             ???????????????  _ **

 

The party is already well underway by the time Yunho arrives—bass thumping loud enough to rattle the walls and enough bodies dancing in the living room Yunho actually spares a moment to feel sorry for the neighbors. Though, knowing Hongjoong, everyone in the building had probably gotten a note stuck to their door with profuse apologies and an invitation to get shitfaced with the rest of the guests.

There aren’t a lot of familiar faces in the crowd that he can see. One guy he recognizes from that time Hongjoong was spirited away from the coffee shop and Jongho getting cozy with a short looking girl with a mousy bob haircut. Hongjoong is conspicuously absent.

He finds San, already rosy cheeked from alcohol, mixing drinks into one large punch bowl with Wooyoung propped next to him on the counter supervising. “Hey, have you seen Hongjoong-hyung?”

“Hmm? Oh yeah,” San feeds Wooyoung a cherry dipped in grenadine. “I think he and Mingi went out to the balcony.”

“Cool, thanks man,” Yunho says and books it the fuck out the of kitchen before San decided to jump Wooyoung against the counter for licking his fingers again.

Yunho does find him on the balcony leaning a shoulder against one side of the brick exterior while Mingi does some kind of expansive flailing arm movement. Hongjoong looks tipsy, his face is flushed red and he’s laughing like Mingi is telling the funniest joke he’s ever heard—which is stupid because Mingi is not  _that_ funny. He frowns.

Yunho walks up to wrap his arms around Hongjoong’s middle. “Hey.”

“Oh! Yunho, I thought you’d be inside mingling.” Hongjoong smiles up at him.

“I was but it’s too crowded in there.” Yunho grimaces. “I think San and Wooyoung are going to fuck in your kitchen by the way.”

“Aaah, not the first time my kitchen has been defiled it’s fine,” Hongjoong brings a hand up to scruff his hair affectionately. Yunho makes a careful mental note to avoid any and all suspiciously sticky areas in Hongjoong’s kitchen for the foreseeable future. “Mingi-yah was just telling me a story about you.”

Yunho glares at his best friend who is visibly biting his lips to stop from laughing in his face. “What kind of story?”

“I’m keeping that to myself for blackmail material later,” Hongjoong smirks, hooks the hand not holding a beer into Yunho’s arms circled around his waist to start guiding them back inside. “Come on you two, let’s go find Seonghwa-hyung and see what he’s getting into. If we’re lucky, the body shots haven’t started yet.”

Yunho hasn’t actually had anything to drink yet but he suddenly feels off footed and dizzy. “Body shots?”

Mingi pumps a fist. “Hyung, I call first dibs on you!”

Hongjoong laughs again, still waddling himself and Yunho inside the glass doors leading to the apartment proper. “Please, you can barely handle a beer.”

“I can handle  _one_ shot.” Mingi pouts.

He’s not sure why, but the mental image of Mingi sucking tequila off Hongjoong’s navel or biting a lime from his mouth makes Yunho’s skin feel hot and uncomfortable. Yunho is about to tell Mingi that, no, he really cannot handle one shot—he’s been around Drunk Mingi enough times to know—when a commotion breaks out in the living area.

Seonghwa is standing stock still and pale facing someone Yunho can’t quite make out.

“Yeosang.”

Oh shit.

“Who invited him?” Yunho bends down to whisper into Hongjoong’s ear.

Hongjoong sighs heavily. “I did.”

Mingi leans in to Hongjoong’s other side. “Why?”

“Because I’m tired of finding Seonghwa crying under the kitchen table. That’s  _my_ spot,” Hongjoong scowls. “Plus, babysitting Seonghwa while he gets drunk every other day is killing my liver. I am so  _tired_.”

In front of them, Yeosang looks haggard, eyebags almost purple for how dark they are. “Hyung, we need to talk.”

Seonghwa is still staring at him. “What’s there to talk about? You broke up with me.”

Yeosang flinches. “I did, but I—”

“No,” Seonghwa interrupts, “You’ve had months, literal  _months,_ to talk to me and all I got was a box of jewelry at my doorstep and a bunch of confusing text messages.” People are starting to glance at each other, some more eager at the prospect of watching the drama unfold than others. Hongjoong seems to take that as his cue and pats Yunho’s arms to finally get him to let go.

“Alright you two,” Hongjoong grabs Yeosang and Seonghwa’s wrists, “Let’s take this somewhere a little more private, mh?” He leads them out to the balcony, closes the glass door behind himself so they can be alone without interference.

“You think that’s a good idea, hyung?” Mingi asks.

“Who the fuck knows, honestly,” Hongjoong scrubs a hand through his hair. Yunho ignores the compulsion to fix the wild tangle. “As long as they work through their shit, good or bad, we’re golden.” He passes off the beer in his hand to Yunho. “You can finish that if you want, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Mingi watches Hongjoong walk off with a strange look on his face.

“What?”

“Nothing, just,” Mingi squints at Yunho when he decides to say ‘fuck it’ and finish off the last dregs of the still somewhat cool beer. “What are you doing, Yunho?”

He blinks. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you and Hongjoong-hyung.”

“Uh,” Yunho has no idea where Mingi is going with this. “I’m helping him with his project?”

Mingi continues to give him a searching look, Yunho is unsure what he’s even looking  _for_ , and shrugs. “Whatever, I’m going to go find Jongho and scare off whoever he’s trying to pick up.”

“You’re so evil,” Yunho tells him fondly. Mingi smiles and flashes a peace sign before wandering off in search of his prey.

Outside, Yeosang and Seonghwa are pressed close talking quietly. Seonghwa looks like he’s ten seconds away from dehydrating from all the tears running down his chin while Yeosang appears to be in much the same boat.

Yunho watches with a detached sense of reality as Yeosang grabs Seonghwa’s face to pull him down into a really, extremely filthy kiss on the other side of the glass door of the balcony. In all honesty, he thought it would hurt more to see Seonghwa kiss someone other than himself but really all he feels is relief. Seonghwa had been so sad for so long, it’s nice that he has a chance to be happy again.

This must be what actual adulthood is like, Yunho supposes. Being able to put others’ happiness before your own without feeling heartbroken about it.

Hongjoong stumbles into him on his way back from the bathroom and lets out an excited hoot at the scene taking place outside. “It’s about fucking time Yeosang got his head out of his ass.” Hongjoong grips at Yunho’s elbow to help steady himself, Yunho just brings his arm up around the smaller man’s waist to let him lean against Yunho’s side. “Yunho-yah, I was—” Hongjoong hiccups, “I was going to lock them in a room if they didn’t get it together in the next week.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” Hongjoong tells him seriously. Seonghwa and Yeosang are starting to let their hands wander to places they probably shouldn’t while standing in front of a clear wall facing a still full room of people. Hongjoong walks up to pull the curtains closed and when he turns back around, lips stretched wide in a smile and eyes a little misty out of affection for his idiot roommate, Yunho feels his heart thump hard in his chest.

Oh hell, it really  _isn't_  indigestion. 

Hongjoong furiously wipes at a tear trying to make a trail down his cheek. “Finally.”

“Yeah,” Yunho murmurs watching Hongjoong do a terrible job at hiding his drunken crying. “Finally.”

 

 

 

 

 **[k.hongjoong] 12:20 AM**  
r u ok w the yeosang thing???

 

 **[j.yunho] 12:24 AM**  
??????????

 **[k.hongjoong] 12:38 AM  
** just  
yeosang and hyung getting back 2gethr  
wanted 2 chk on u

 **[j.yunho] 12:39 AM**  
why wouldn’t i be ok w it??  
hyung has been moping for as long as ive known him lol  
this is a good thing

 **[k.hongjoong] 12:40 AM**  
…………………  
what abt ur schoolboy crush on him tho

 **[j.yunho] 12:43 AM  
**WHAT

 **[k.hongjoong] 12:43 AM  
** WHAT WHAT  
????????????????????????  
I AM CONCERNED???? 4 U???????

 **[j.yunho] 12:52 AM**  
oh my god hyung how do you even known about  
that???????

 **[k.hongjoong] 12:54 AM**  
lmfao r u srs  
since the first day we worked together idiot  
ur rly obvious  
n im not stupid ty

 **[j.yunho] 12:56 AM  
** asjdhjfnvcx  
IM NOT OBVIOUS WTFFFF

 **[k.hongjoong] 12:58 AM**  
lol u rly are hate 2 break it 2 u  
its ok tho its cute  
cute yunho-yahhhhh  
💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

 **[j.yunho] 1:02 AM  
**stop holy shit omgdfjdshf

 **[k.hongjoong] 1:05 AM  
** 💙💙💙💙💙💙  
u sure ur ok tho??  
for real??????

 **[j.yunho] 1:08 AM**  
YES  
PLS STOP TALKING ABOUT IT

 **[k.hongjoong] 1:10 AM  
** ok ok ok  
see you tomorrow cute yunho-yah  
sweet dreams xxxx

 

Yunho quietly places his phone down on his nightstand and ever so gently tries to suffocate himself with a pillow. How obvious is obvious?

Wait.

 _Shit_!

Seriously,  _how obvious is obvious?_  Yunho tries to keep himself from hyperventilating. He just figured out how much he likes Hongjoong, surely he hasn’t given that away too. How is he supposed to look Hongjoong in the face and not blurt everything out when they do the last of their recording? 

 _I'm doomed_ , Yunho thinks. 

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

Yunho leans against the door frame of their shared bathroom watching Mingi methodically go through his ridiculously long skincare routine.

"Hey, Mingi."

"Hey, Yunho." Mingi answers, poking at a blemish on his chin.

"Are you actually trying to date Hongjoong-hyung?"

Mingi stops. Yunho imagines he can hear the creak of his bones from how slow Mingi turns his head in his direction, "What."  
  
It's not a question. Yunho swallows back his pride to ask again, "Are you trying to date Hongjoong-hyung, yes or no."

"Why?" Mingi stresses.

"Just answer the question, dick."

Mingi gapes at him. "You are so fucking stupid, you know that right?"  
  
"Yah! Rude!"

"I’m not trying to date Hongjoong-hyung. I have not been trying to date him at all, _ever_ , because he’s not my type and you should know that." Mingi turns back to the mirror to slap a handful of moisturizer against his cheeks. "I just think he’s really cool. He promised to form a rap duo with me when we get out of college."

Relief, sweet relief courses through Yunho's veins. "That's it?"

"That's it." Mingi gives him a smirking side eye. "He's all yours, loverboy."

"Shut the fuck up," Yunho sticks his tongue out. "Why are you my best friend?"

Mingi snorts ripping open a new face mask packet. "Because I didn't run screaming after you puked on my dick that one time." 

Okay, that's fair.

"Thanks for sticking around."

"Any time. Now get out I need to take a shit."

Aaaaaand it's ruined. 

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

  

 

The next time Yunho sees him, at The Java Hut for his usual Death by Caffeine, Hongjoong shyly invites him to another performance he’s putting on at the university sponsored clubhouse using some of the songs they’d cobbled together. “I promise it’s not a long set or anything, just enough to record a live for the final presentation.”

When he agrees—“Of course I’ll be there, hyung”—Hongjoong smiles wide and gives him a spine breaking hug in the middle of the coffee shop before backing away to cough into his fist. “Thank you. I, um, it means a lot.”

“Any time, hyung.” Yunho smiles back. Watching the pleased flush on Hongjoong’s cheeks, Yunho wonders how he ever confused _this_ feeling for what he thought he felt for Seonghwa. No one had made him shiver down to his very bones or made heart race this fast, not even that time Yunho thought Mingi was going to be The One™ when they were seventeen.

Yunho sends him off with his ridiculous caffeine order and a chocolate croissant wearing a no doubt lovesick expression.

“Okay, I’m going to say it first,” Wooyoung says from his position by the frothing machine. “What the actual, _literal_ fuck is happening right now?”

“Shh,” San covers Wooyoung’s mouth. “Don’t say anything or you’ll jinx it!”

Yunho finally snaps himself out of it. “What?”

“Nothing!” San exclaims.

Wooyoung pulls San’s hand away long enough to ask, “Were you and Hongjoong flirting just now?”

“What? No! I was just—he was just—” Yunho flounders before settling on, “There’s a gig!”

San and Wooyoung glance at each other, probably doing their weird telepathic communication, before San walks over to hook an arm around Yunho’s neck. “Buddy, if you seriously think we’re going to fall for that, you’ve got another thing coming.” Yunho gulps. San has that crazy glint in his eye that means terrible things for Yunho’s wellbeing. “Have you decided what you’re wearing?”

“Uh, probably just my usual?”

“No,” San moans, lets his body go limp until Yunho stumbles under his weight. “We’re going to give you a makeover.”  
  
Yunho sobs internally,  _Fuck my life_. 

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

 ** _ ~~STEP 10: CONGRATS! YOU'RE DATING!~~  _** Yunho the Disaster Gay Strikes Again _  
_

 

 

“You look,” Hongjoong pauses to give him a once over. “Different. Good different, but different.”

Wooyoung had gone through his closet the night of Hongjoong’s performance and essentially vetoed 99% of his wardrobe except for a pair of ripped skinny jeans Yunho hadn’t looked at in two years—Yunho much prefers his slouchy sweatpants these days, thanks very much—and a black button down with straps hanging off the edges he didn’t ever remember buying. Probably a sign it was originally Mingi’s.

And then San had given him the evil eye and attacked Yunho’s face with a scary amount of makeup.

“Don’t get used to it,” Yunho shivers. “San and Wooyoung forced me into this.” Hongjoong covers his mouth to squeak laughter into his palm. “Hyung, it’s not funny! I was molested!”

Hongjoong stops giggling to coo and lightly pinch Yunho’s cheek, “Aw, you poor baby. Why’d they do this to you anyway? Not like this is an extra special gig or anything.” Hongjoong purses his lips. “ _I_ didn’t even dress up for this.”

Yunho freezes.

“Uh, I think they were just bored.”  _Yes, good, great fast thinking Yunho_ , he tells himself,  _you’re doing great, sweetie_. “You know how they get.”

Hongjoong hums. “Well, either way they did a good job.” Someone announces his name over the intercom. “That’s my cue. See you after?”

“Yeah.” Yunho agrees. “See you after.”

Hongjoong winks and runs off to take his place on stage. He’s seen it once before, but Hongjoong’s performance is as captivating as it is fast paced; he doesn’t think anyone is able to look away from the stage  _once_ during the entire two song set. God knows Yunho was incapable of it.

A guy Yunho vaguely recognizes from his wilder clubbing days leans against the wall next to him. “Having fun?”

“Mmm,” Yunho agrees, tries to spot Hongjoong in the crowd now that he’s finished. “You?”

“Oh sure,” The guy leans a palm against the wall near Yunho’s head to hover over him, “Could be having  _more_ fun though, if you get what I mean.” Yunho tries not to laugh in his face, his mother taught him to be polite after all. “Wanna get out of here with me?”

Yunho is about to tell him to get fucked when Hongjoong finally makes his way through the crowd, usual smile replaced by a fiery glare that sends heat straight to Yunho’s dick—holy hell.

“Yunho-yah,” Hongjoong smiles through gritted teeth. “Who’s your friend?”

The guy glances at Hongjoong before snorting and nodding his head at Yunho as if to say, ‘get a load of this guy’. “Back off, dude, we’re having a private conversation.”

“We’re really not,” Yunho tells him and revels in the flabbergasted expression on his face. Hongjoong, still throwing daggers at Clubhouse Asshole, grabs Yunho’s arm to drag him outside.

“I’m going to murder San and Wooyoung,” Hongjoong mutters darkly under his breath as they push their way through the throng of people. Yunho bows in apology when Hongjoong knocks into a girl holding a drink, already being dragged away before she can really get the righteous anger going at them.“I bet you didn’t even get to see my set because of all the fuckboys in there.”

“I got to see you just fine,” Yunho laughs at him. “You were really cool.”

Hongjoong eyes him. “Liar.”

Yunho makes puppy eyes at him and pulls Hongjoong to stop in the entrance to an empty alleyway between the club and the weirdly close by art building. “Hyung, you were really,” He swallows, “You looked amazing up there.”

Hongjoong pinks adorably. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Fuck, Yunho knows where this is going. Don’t fuck it up, don’t—“You could probably make anyone fall in love with you while you’re on stage.”

Another group of students pass by so Hongjoong pulls him into the alley proper. They stay there, nearly pressed against one another, Hongjoong searching Yunho’s eyes for...something. Yunho hopes he finds it. “...Anyone?”

“Anyone.”

Yunho’s hands are shaking, damn. Hongjoong looks down to pick at the edge of Yunho’s shirt. “Even you?”

Yunho grins, ecstatic, and grabs Hongjoong’s hand from his shirt to twist their fingers together. “Especially me.”

Hongjoong blows out a breath and knocks his forehead into Yunho’s chest. “Fucking finally.”

“Excuse me?”

"I can't stand sugar, but I have eaten literally every croissant you've ever shoved at me just because  _you_  made it."

Yunho stops, remembers a certain event after their first recording session, "No, you gave one away."

Hongjoong shakes his head, his ears are blazing red. “Shut the fuck up and kiss me before I knee you in the balls.”

“Seriously, are all short people this violent or is it just you?” Yunho bitches but hooks a hand underneath Hongjoong’s chin for a better angle to kiss the angry pout of Hongjoong’s mouth.

His lips are soft and taste vaguely like cherries—probably from chapstick now that it's colder. Hongjoong makes a small noise when Yunho bites gently on his bottom lip, reaches his arms up to grip at the hairs at the nape of Yunho's neck, and presses in harder but still gentle, gentle, gentle. Yunho tests the waters by licking into the seam of their mouths and Hongjoong opens immediately—and willing—to touch their tongues against each other in a wet slide. 

When they finally break away to gasp for breath, Yunho touches his forehead gently to Hongjoong's. “Hey, hyung?”

“Hey, Yunho.”

“I have a crush on you.”

“No,” Hongjoong says, completely deadpan because he’s an asshole. “You don’t say? I’d have never guessed.”

Yunho dutifully ignores him because he can feel the fine tremor running through Hongjoong’s hands where they’re gripped tight to the back of his neck. “You could have told me.”

“Yes, I’m sure that would have gone over so well with you,” Hongjoong glares up at him without heat; any aggression wiped away by the pink flush of his cheeks. “You liked me from day one but were too up your own butthole about Seonghwa to notice.”

Yunho bites back a grin. “I could be up your butthole about—ow! Stop, I was  _kidding_!”  
  
Hongjoong stops kicking viciously at his shins to huff at him. “You’re the fucking worst.”

“And you,” Yunho bops the tip of Hongjoong’s nose with the tip of a finger. “Have absolutely terrible taste, my good man.”

“Don’t I fucking know it.”

They stop and stare at each other, still pressed against the dirty back alley of a dirty club and start laughing uproariously against the shoddy brickwork until Yunho leans over to kiss him quiet again.

 

**\---------------------------------------------------------------**

 

 

“Heads up loverboy,” He hears San call from the front. “Small and uncaffeinated incoming.”

Yunho grins and removes his apron to its designated hook. He looks out the small window set into the back room’s door and sure enough, Hongjoong is zombie walking his way towards the front counter—eyes squinted half-open in the brightness of the cafe.

“San-ie, I will give you all of my love and the contents of my sad bank account if you hook me up with a coffee so full of caffeine I finally see the face of god.”

“I’m pretty sure a certain somebody would literally kill me if you gave me all of your love,” San cackles at him. “And I thought you were trying to cut back, hyung.”

Hongjoong pouts. “Only because Yunho is making me. Come on, it’ll be a secret between us, mmh? Be nice to your hyung.”

Yunho takes that as his cue to save Hongjoong from himself, rounds the corner to the cafe proper to wrap his arms around his boyfriend. “Are you trying to make me the bad guy here? I’m just attempting to stop your heart from exploding.”

“Yunho!” Hongjoong spins around to grin up at him. “Hi.”

“Hi yourself.” Yunho can’t resist leaning down to steal a kiss which his boyfriend happily returns. In his defense, Hongjoong is wearing the yellow beanie fully aware Yunho is physically incapable of not smooching Hongjoong’s face off in its presence.

They both ignore the disgusted noises Jongho is throwing from the other side of the room. San just coos at them, so. All good.  
  
“I’ll make you a black tea then we can go.”

Hongjoong gives him another peck. “Okay, baby.”

Yunho can feel his ears turn red at the endearment, hopes to god Jongho doesn’t notice or he’ll never hear the end of it.

It takes less than five minutes to make the drink, which doesn’t stop San from trying to wheedle information about their sex life out of Hongjoong who just smiles enigmatically without saying a word. Yunho rolls his eyes as he caps the extremely tall cup of black tea, writes an obnoxious love note on the side (“for my pret-TEA jagi~ ♡”), and swipes a muffin.  
  
“Here,” he hands the cup off to Hongjoong. “We’re leaving now.”

“‘Kay,” Hongjoong wrinkles his nose at the chocolate monstrosity in Yunho’s hand. “I still don’t see how you can eat that.”  
  
“Not all of us are grossed out by sugar, hyung.”

Hongjoong playfully sticks his tongue out at him. Yunho mimes biting it, swoops to the side at the last second to land a wet kiss to his cheek instead. The answering giggle makes his heart feel full to bursting.  
  
“You gonna pay for those?” San calls from the counter.

“Nope!” Yunho yells back and escorts Hongjoong out the entrance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jongho stares at the door as it swings closed. "Did Yunho just leave work early to go get laid?"

"Yep," San polishes a glass with a rag and checks the bottom for clarity.

A pause.

"Can  _I_  leave work early to go get laid?"

"Absolutely fucking not," San smiles sweetly at him. "Keep sweeping."

"Aw!"

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to yell @ me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/AerClassic/)


End file.
